The Devil Made Me Watch It There are bad horror movies, and then there’s The Exorcism of Anna Ecklund—a film so possessed by mediocrity that even Satan would’ve tapped out halfway through. This 2016 British “horror” flick, directed by Andrew Jones, tries to ride the coattails of The Exorcist the way a drunk pigeon tries … Read More “The Exorcism of Anna Ecklund (2016): When the Devil Possesses the Wrong Movie” »
Welcome to the Cannibal Café If you’ve ever watched Mad Max and thought, “Cool, but what if everyone in it was broke, hungry, and horny for chaos?”—then The Drifter is the film for you. Chris von Hoffmann’s 2016 post-apocalyptic nightmare is a low-budget fever dream that serves equal parts grit, grime, and grotesque glee. The … Read More “The Drifter (2016): Mad Max Meets Gordon Ramsay in the Apocalypse” »
Knock Knock — Who’s There? Absolutely No One You Care About If you’ve ever wished The Babadook had been written by someone who fell asleep halfway through The Conjuring and woke up during a bad episode of EastEnders, congratulations — Don’t Knock Twice is your new favorite disaster. Directed by Caradog W. James, this 2016 … Read More “Don’t Knock Twice (2016): Please Knock Thrice, Maybe It’ll Get Better” »
A Prank Gone Wrong (and Then Wronger) “Don’t Hang Up” is one of those horror-thrillers that feels like a cautionary tale for the YouTube generation—except the message gets buried under so many clichés, jump scares, and plot holes that the only lesson you’ll walk away with is never take a call from an unknown number. … Read More “Don’t Hang Up (2016): Please, for the Love of God, Hang Up” »
Cursed Dolls, Daddy Issues, and Delightful Carnage You know a horror movie is going to be a good time when it starts with a woman sprinting through the woods, chased by a serial killer, and ends with someone on fire next to a cursed craft project. The Devil’s Dolls (originally Worry Dolls) takes the most … Read More “The Devil’s Dolls (2016): Tiny Terrors with a Big Bite” »
The Apocalypse No One Asked For Once upon a time, in a post-apocalyptic wasteland where common sense and good filmmaking had long perished, Dead 7shambled its way onto the SyFy Channel. Written by Backstreet Boy Nick Carter—yes, you read that correctly—and produced by the cinematic sweatshop known as The Asylum, this “zombie western” is less … Read More “Dead 7 (2016): Backstreet’s Back (From the Dead)” »
A Horror-Comedy That’s Neither Horrific Nor Funny There are bad movies, and then there are movies that make you question whether you’ve somehow committed a sin in a past life to deserve watching them. Darling 2 belongs to that second category — a supernatural punishment disguised as entertainment. Directed by debutant Sathish Chandrasekaran, this supposed … Read More “Darling 2 (2016): The Sequel That Should Have Stayed Dead” »
Once Upon a Time in the Land of Poor Editing Every so often, a movie comes along that reminds you that fairy tales were originally meant to scare children. The Curse of Sleeping Beauty does that — but only because it’s so poorly written, it will haunt your dreams for all the wrong reasons. Directed … Read More “The Curse of Sleeping Beauty (2016): A Grim Fairytale That Should Have Stayed Asleep” »
A Blood-Soaked Sequel No One Asked For There’s a special place in cinematic purgatory for sequels that shouldn’t exist — right between The Bye Bye Man 2 and whatever Cats was. Corpse Party: Book of Shadows fits comfortably there, clutching its own intestines and whispering, “Why am I here?” Based on the cult horror video … Read More “Corpse Party: Book of Shadows (2016) — When the Dead Rise… and the Audience Nods Off” »
A Murder Mystery with Swamp Gas and Ghost Sass There are ghost stories, and then there are Florida ghost stories. Cold Moon is thankfully the latter—sweaty, deranged, and wrapped in that humid, mosquito-bitten charm that makes you believe vengeance can sprout right out of the bayou. Based on Michael McDowell’s 1980 novel Cold Moon Over … Read More “Cold Moon (2016): Southern Gothic, Sweet Revenge, and Christopher Lloyd Losing His Damn Mind” »