Can You Hear Me Now? Because I Wish I Couldn’t There are bad Stephen King adaptations, and then there’s Cell — a film so disastrously disconnected from its source that it feels like the cinematic equivalent of a dropped call. Directed by Tod Williams, co-written by Stephen King himself(in what must have been a particularly … Read More “Cell (2016): The Call That Should’ve Gone Straight to Voicemail” »
Found Footage Finds Its Fangs Again Every so often, the found footage genre rises from its shallow grave, wipes the dirt off its lens cap, and reminds us why it refuses to die. Capture Kill Release is one of those glorious resurrections—a dark, deeply funny, and horrifyingly intimate portrait of modern love gone terribly, hilariously … Read More “Capture Kill Release (2016): A Love Story Written in Blood and Battery Acid” »
The Cash Grab That Cried Horror If you’ve ever wanted to watch Downton Abbey meet Annabelle in a blender set to “mildly spooky,” then congratulations — The Boy is your fever dream come true. Directed by William Brent Bell, the man who once brought you The Devil Inside (and apparently decided that lightning could strike … Read More “The Boy (2016): Or How to Make $64 Million Off a Mannequin and Lauren Cohan’s Paycheck” »
When Nature Calls, It’s Usually Hungry If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Jaws traded the ocean for the Outback and developed a taste for bogans, Boar (2016) is here to answer that question—with a mouth full of screaming Australians and about a gallon of fake blood. Directed by Chris Sun, the twisted genius … Read More “Boar (2016): Australia’s Biggest Bacon Problem—and One of Its Funniest, Bloodiest Joyrides” »
A Bloody Good Sermon in the Church of Camp If Blood of the Tribades were a wine, it’d be a full-bodied vintage bottled in the 1970s, laced with equal parts Jean Rollin sensuality, Hammer Horror excess, and a generous splash of righteous feminist fury. It’s a vampire film, yes—but also a divine satire, a queer … Read More “Blood of the Tribades (2016): Holy Hemoglobin, the Feminist Vampire Revolution Is Here” »
Welcome Back to the Woods — We Missed You (And So Did the Witch) The Blair Witch franchise is like that creepy ex who won’t stop texting you at 3 a.m.—you think you’re done, but the moment you see those trembling words (“FOUND FOOTAGE”), you come crawling back. Seventeen years after the original 1999 cultural … Read More “Blair Witch (2016): A Terrifying Love Letter to Paranoia, Panic, and Poor Life Choices” »
Welcome to the ’80s, Population: Dead If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if Jumanji and The Ring had a weird VHS baby raised by a pack of haunted board games from the Reagan era, congratulations—you’ve basically imagined Beyond the Gates. This 2016 indie horror gem is a loving, blood-splattered ode to the analog age, … Read More “Beyond the Gates (2016): A VHS Fever Dream That Proves Nostalgia Can Still Kill You” »
A Dream So Beautiful It’s Scary Only Mike Flanagan could make a movie about nightmares that feels like a lullaby—and a funeral dirge at the same time. Before I Wake (or Somnia for those who prefer their horror to sound like a perfume brand) isn’t your standard spookfest full of jump scares and screaming. Instead, … Read More “Before I Wake (2016): A Bedtime Story That’ll Keep You Up for Days” »
The Fear That Never Arrived The title Bayam Oru Payanam translates to “Fear is a Journey.” Unfortunately, this particular journey feels less like a thrill ride and more like a long, uncomfortable bus trip with no air conditioning, bad lighting, and a ghost who missed her cue. Director Manisharma’s 2016 horror attempt tries to blend … Read More “Bayam Oru Payanam (2016): A Haunted House of Clichés and Camera Angles” »
A Desert Wasteland of Wasted Potential There’s a fine line between “art film” and “Instagram filter stretched to two hours.” The Bad Batch doesn’t just cross that line—it sets up camp, paints a mural about it, and declares it profound. Ana Lily Amirpour’s follow-up to A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night was supposed to … Read More “The Bad Batch (2016): Cannibals, Cults, and the Longest Desert Nap in Cinema History” »