A Werewolf Movie with Bite (and a Slightly Chewed Sense of Humor) David Hayter’s Wolves is one of those movies that critics love to sink their teeth into—for all the wrong reasons. Sure, it was panned upon release. Sure, it’s basically Twilight with testosterone and a chainsaw fetish. And sure, Jason Momoa’s wardrobe looks like … Read More “Wolves (2014): A Hairy Tale of Hormones, Heritage, and Howling at Mediocrity” »
When Immortality Meets Flatmate Drama Vampires have haunted cinema for over a century — brooding, seductive, tragic creatures cursed with eternal life and the wardrobe of a Hot Topic manager. But never before has the undead lifestyle looked so… awkwardly domestic. Jemaine Clement and Taika Waititi’s What We Do in the Shadows is the mockumentary … Read More “What We Do in the Shadows (2014): A Bloody Good Laugh at Eternal Life” »
The Devil Made Them Do It — and the Devil Should Be Ashamed Way of the Wicked is one of those movies that makes you question not only the nature of good and evil, but also the nature of filmmaking itself. Directed by Kevin Carraway and starring Christian Slater in what appears to be a … Read More “Way of the Wicked (2014): A Film So Evil It Punishes the Audience” »
A Bloody Valentine You’ll Wish You’d Skipped Victor Vu’s Vengeful Heart (Quả Tim Máu) is a Vietnamese supernatural thriller released, fittingly, on Valentine’s Day — because nothing says “romance” like ghosts, guilt, and the faint smell of formaldehyde. It’s a movie about heart transplants, revenge, and moral comeuppance — or at least it wants to … Read More “Vengeful Heart (2014): A Cardiac Arrest of Cinema” »
The Return of the Coffee-Soaked Dream Some films are sequels. Some are prequels. Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces is what happens when David Lynch decides to open the cinematic equivalent of a time capsule filled with espresso, cherry pie, and trauma. Originally shot during Fire Walk With Me’s production in 1992, these scenes were cut … Read More “Twin Peaks: The Missing Pieces — 90 Minutes in the Lynchian Afterlife” »
When a Tree Falls in the Woods and Nobody Cares There are bad horror movies, and then there’s Treehouse — a film that manages to turn “teens trapped in the woods” into an existential endurance test. Directed by Michael Bartlett, Treehouse has the pacing of a damp log and the thrills of an overcooked marshmallow. … Read More “Treehouse (2014): A Movie That Should Have Stayed in the Woods” »
Gold Rush Meets Hairy Trash If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if The Revenant, Crocodile Dundee, and Harry and the Hendersons were all tossed into a blender powered by a car battery, the answer is Throwback — a film so proudly low-budget it makes Sharknado look like Lawrence of Arabia. Directed by Travis Bain, … Read More “Throwback (2014): The Yowie, the Gold, and the Glory of Low Expectations” »
Stranger Danger: Now Featuring Existential Boredom There’s a fine line between a “slow-burn thriller” and a “cinematic tranquilizer.” The Stranger — the 2014 Chilean horror-thriller directed by Guillermo Amoedo — doesn’t just cross that line; it drives a stake through it, mutters something about redemption, and takes a nap. Produced under Eli Roth’s “Chilewood” experiment … Read More “The Stranger (2014): The Vampire Movie That Sucks the Life Out of You — Literally and Figuratively” »
The Horror of What’s on Your Plate If you’ve ever watched a true-crime documentary while eating a burger and thought, “This feels wrong, but also delicious,” then Still Life (or Naturaleza muerta) is the movie for you. Gabriel Grieco’s directorial debut is a blood-soaked Spanish-language thriller that asks the eternal question: what if animal cruelty … Read More “Still Life (2014): The Art of Murder, Meat, and Moral Hangovers” »
Love, Lust, and Light Body Horror What if Before Sunrise took a detour through a Lovecraft story? What if The Shape of Water had an existential crisis and a better script? And what if your new Italian girlfriend turned out to be an immortal tentacle creature who eats tourists between wine tastings? That, my friends, … Read More “Spring (2014): Love in the Time of Tentacles” »