Welcome to the Sewage There are bad movies, and then there’s The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) — a cinematic experience so joyless, it makes food poisoning feel like a character arc. Written and directed by Tom Six, this 2011 film is not so much a sequel as it is a dare. It exists because … Read More “The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence): Or, How to Lose Faith in Humanity in 91 Minutes” »
The Hollow That Stares Back Every so often, a found footage film emerges from the foggy countryside of British horror, clutching a camcorder and a dream of being The Blair Witch Project. Hollow (2011), directed by Michael Axelgaard, is one such ambitious wanderer—an earnest attempt to turn rustic Suffolk into a den of existential dread. … Read More “Hollow (2011): The Found Footage That Should Have Stayed Lost” »
Welcome to the Afterlife, Please Take a Number Every once in a while, a movie strolls into the horror aisle looking like it just came from yoga class, clutching a copy of The Tibetan Book of the Dead and muttering something about inner peace. Hellgate—originally titled Shadows, because apparently “Tourist’s Bad Day in Bangkok” didn’t … Read More “Hellgate (2011): The Perils of the Afterlife, Bureaucracy, and Bangkok Traffic” »
When the Sun Decides It’s Done with Us It’s not every day that a movie about the literal end of the world manages to be both bleak and wickedly entertaining, but Hell (2011) — a German-Swiss post-apocalyptic thriller directed by Tim Fehlbaum — pulls off that sizzling miracle. “Hell,” in this case, doesn’t refer to … Read More ““Hell” (2011): Sunburn, Cannibals, and the End of the World as We Know It (and It Feels So Fine)” »
INTRODUCTION: AMICUS CALLED — IT WANTS ITS BONES BACK There are bad anthology horror movies, and then there’s Grave Tales (2011) — a film so dusty and disjointed it feels like it was exhumed from a VHS bargain bin and cursed before release. Directed by Don Fearney (a name that sounds like he should’ve directed … Read More “GRAVE TALES (2011): WHEN AMICUS-STYLE HORROR CRAWLS OUT OF ITS GRAVE… AND SHOULD’VE STAYED THERE” »
INTRODUCTION: 3D? MORE LIKE 3-DON’T “Asia’s first horror/thriller released in 3D!” screams the marketing for Ghastly. Unfortunately, the only truly horrifying part of this film is the ticket price. Directed by Ko Seok-jin in his feature debut, this 2011 Korean horror flick stars Han Eun-jung, Park Hyo-min, and Lee Hyung-suk — none of whom deserved … Read More “GHASTLY (2011): 3D HORROR, ZERO DIMENSIONS OF FUN” »
Lights, Camera, Exorcism The found footage genre has a long tradition of making audiences seasick while teaching aspiring filmmakers that tripods are for cowards. But Grave Encounters (2011), directed by the delightfully named Vicious Brothers, manages to stand out — not by reinventing the wheel, but by strapping a ghost to it and pushing it … Read More ““Grave Encounters” (2011): Paranormal Activity with a PhD in Madness” »
Love, Murder, and Mayhem in the Mist Every so often, an independent horror film comes along that doesn’t just resurrect Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein — it digs up the body, bolts on new limbs, and sends it shambling toward a wedding chapel in a snowstorm. Frankenstein: Day of the Beast (2011), directed by Ricardo Islas, does … Read More ““Frankenstein: Day of the Beast” (2011): When Victor’s Wedding Goes to Hell, and It’s Glorious” »
INTRODUCTION: APOCALYPSE MEOW Post-apocalyptic movies are supposed to be thrilling, raw, and full of tension. The Day (2011) is none of these things. Directed by Douglas Aarniokoski — a man whose name sounds cooler than anything that happens in his movie — this Canadian “horror-action-drama” tries to combine The Road, Mad Max, and The Walking … Read More “THE DAY (2011): 24 HOURS OF GRAY, GRIM, AND GRUELING MEDIOCRITY” »
INTRODUCTION: SAW-LITE FOR PEOPLE WHO FEAR DECISIONS Some horror movies leave you trembling in fear. Choose leaves you staring at the screen muttering, “Wait, what just happened?” Directed by Marcus Graves, this 2011 crime-horror mashup tries desperately to blend the moral torment of Saw with the procedural grit of Se7en. What we get instead is … Read More “CHOOSE (2011): A KILLER WHO CAN’T DECIDE EITHER” »