If you’ve ever wanted to watch Survivor filmed by Rob Zombie and edited by a chainsaw, Wrong Turn 2: Dead End is your dream come true — provided your dreams are soaked in moonshine and human intestines. Directed by Joe Lynch, this cinematic casserole of hillbilly horror and reality TV satire is what happens when … Read More “Wrong Turn 2: Dead End — The Redneck Apocalypse Nobody Asked For” »
If you’ve ever watched a horror sequel and thought, “What if Final Destination and Touched by an Angel had a love child raised by a defibrillator?”, then White Noise: The Light is the movie for you. Directed by Patrick Lussier — a man who apparently wakes up every morning and asks, “How can I make … Read More “White Noise: The Light (2007) — The Afterlife Gets Customer Service” »
Ah, Vacancy — the rare horror film that makes you terrified of both murderers and customer service. Directed by Nimród Antal (whose name sounds like a Bond villain with a side hustle in Hungarian folk metal), this 2007 gem somehow manages to take the well-worn “couple stuck in a creepy motel” setup and turn it … Read More “Vacancy (2007): The Motel Six Feet Under That’s Worth Checking Into” »
There are horror movies that terrify you. There are horror movies that make you laugh. And then there’s Unearthed — a 2007 creature feature that somehow manages to do neither, while still boring a hole in your soul deeper than the one the monster crawled out of. Directed by Matthew Leutwyler (a man who apparently … Read More “Unearthed (2007): Digging Up Mediocrity, One Dead Coyote at a Time” »
There are bad horror movies, and then there’s The Tattooist — a film so blandly bad it feels like a haunted episode of Miami Ink that got possessed by the ghost of poor pacing. Directed by Peter Burger (no relation to anything delicious) and starring Roswell’s Jason Behr — yes, the guy who made alien … Read More “The Tattooist (2007): When Ink Meets Stink” »
Let’s face it — Roger Corman has always been the patron saint of the “so bad it’s kind of amazing” movie. The man could turn pocket change and a bucket of fake blood into something that would at least make you laugh, if not genuinely entertain you. But Supergator (2007), directed by Brian Clyde, doesn’t … Read More “Supergator (2007): When CGI and Common Sense Both Go Extinct” »
There are bad horror movies, and then there’s Someone Behind You — a film so bewildering it feels like being haunted by your own confusion. This 2007 South Korean psychological horror, released in the U.S. as Voices, asks the big questions: What if everyone you love suddenly wanted to kill you? What if paranoia itself … Read More “Someone Behind You (2007): A Curse, a Corpse, and a Confusingly Overcrowded Plot” »
Ah, The Signal — that rare horror film that makes you ask, “Is this a brilliant indie experiment in narrative structure or just what happens when your group project refuses to pick a tone?” The answer, delightfully, is both. It’s a film that splits its personality into three transmissions — madness, murder, and misguided romance … Read More “The Signal (2007): Love in the Time of Static — or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Murder” »
Let’s start by saying something nice: Seed is, technically, a movie. It has actors. It has lights. It has sound. It was filmed on cameras. That’s more than some people can say about their weekend art projects. Unfortunately, Seed was also directed by Uwe Boll — the man who treats filmmaking like a particularly violent … Read More “Seed (2007): When Death Itself Tapped Out and Walked Out of the Theater” »
If Rise: Blood Hunter were a person, it would be the goth kid in your high school cafeteria — brooding, misunderstood, covered in blood for aesthetic purposes, and muttering deep thoughts about mortality between bites of pizza. It’s a film that takes the most overused concept in Hollywood — vampires — and treats it with … Read More “Rise: Blood Hunter (2007) — The Best Vampire Movie You Forgot to Invite to the Party” »