There are bad vampire movies, and then there’s Slayer. This is the kind of film you stumble across on cable at 2 a.m. sandwiched between an infomercial for tactical flashlights and a rerun of Walker, Texas Ranger. It’s a movie that asks, “What if Predator had less suspense, less budget, and more Lynda Carter in … Read More “Slayer (2006): When Vampires Meet Sci-Fi Channel’s Budget and Casper Van Dien’s Jawline” »
Let’s start with the obvious: Satan’s Playground is not your polished, studio-manicured horror film with slick editing and a three-act script that clicks like clockwork. No, this is the cinematic equivalent of stumbling across a haunted carnival ride in the middle of the Pine Barrens while three drifters and a palm reader argue over who … Read More “Satan’s Playground (2006): The Jersey Devil Takes a Road Trip Through Dante Tomaselli’s Fever Dream” »
Hans-Christian Schmid’s Requiem is not the horror movie you expect—it’s the horror movie that sits quietly in the corner, looking like a drama, until you realize it’s been dismantling your nerves one awkward dinner conversation and one trembling prayer at a time. Based on the tragic real-life case of Anneliese Michel, the film follows Michaela … Read More “Requiem (2006): The Horror of Faith, Illness, and a World Without Jump Scares” »
Some horror films are terrifying. Some are unintentionally hilarious. And then there’s Penny Dreadful, which manages to be both boring and absurd, like watching someone panic in a locked car for 90 minutes while you wonder if your popcorn went stale. Directed by Richard Brandes, this low-budget ABC Family-looking “thriller” takes the premise of What … Read More “Penny Dreadful (2006): When the Title Is Also the Review” »
There are haunted houses, and then there’s Monster House—a suburban horror-comedy where the house doesn’t just groan in the night or leak blood from the walls, it grows teeth, gulps down your dog, and spits your babysitter’s boyfriend out like a used chicken bone. Directed by Gil Kenan in his feature debut and backed by … Read More “Monster House (2006): A Haunted Home That Eats Kids and Still Wins Your Heart” »
There are family dramas, and then there are family disasters dressed in tweed jackets and Victorian wallpaper. Simon Rumley’s The Living and the Dead is firmly in the second category—a film that takes the crumbling British aristocracy, mental illness, terminal disease, and financial ruin, shoves them all into a rotting country manor, and asks: What … Read More “The Living and the Dead (2006)” »
There are bad zombie movies. There are so-bad-they’re-good zombie movies. And then there’s Zombies Anonymous, also known by its first, more honest title: Last Rites of the Dead. This 2006 indie gore-fest tries to be a biting satire about discrimination, addiction, and identity, but mostly it feels like the hungover lovechild of Night of the … Read More “Zombies Anonymous (2006)” »
There’s an old saying: If you can’t improve on the original, at least don’t set it on fire and dance around the ashes. ABC Family must have missed that memo in 2006, because The Initiation of Sarah isn’t just a remake—it’s a case study in how to take a pulpy cult film and scrub it … Read More “The Initiation of Sarah (2006)” »
There’s bad horror. There’s so bad it’s good horror. And then there’s When a Killer Calls, a 2006 direct-to-DVD atrocity from The Asylum, the cinematic junkyard that specializes in making knockoff “mockbusters” designed to trick grandmas at Blockbuster. Released to coincide with the remake of When a Stranger Calls, this thing is less a film … Read More “When a Killer Calls — The Wrong Number of Horror” »
There are movies that expand universes. Then there are movies that expand migraines. Underworld: Evolution, the second installment in the leather-clad, gun-fu vampire saga, belongs firmly in the latter category. Directed by Len Wiseman, written by Danny McBride (not the funny one, sadly), and starring Kate Beckinsale’s PVC wardrobe, this sequel is less “evolution” and … Read More “Underworld: Evolution — The Vampire-Werewolf Divorce Court Nobody Asked For” »