Every once in a while, a movie comes along that makes you question your life choices. Not in the profound, soul-searching way—more in the “why did I spend two hours on this instead of trimming my toenails?” way. Three (stylized as Thr3e, because apparently spelling correctly is of the devil) is one such movie. Directed … Read More “Thr3e (2007): A Christian Thriller So Bad It Should Confess” »
There are certain horror movies that feel like polite dinner parties—you show up, someone offers you lukewarm wine, and you leave early, making excuses about your cat. Then there are movies like Slaughter Night (Sl8n8), which gleefully lock you in a collapsing, corpse-stained mineshaft with your drunkest friends and dare you to claw your … Read More “Slaughter Night (2006): A Bloody Good Descent into Dutch Darkness” »
Adapting a video game into a film is like trying to turn your kid’s LEGO set into the Taj Mahal—it sounds noble, but in reality, you’re left with a wobbly plastic mess. Silent Hill, directed by Christophe Gans, is one such mess. Based on Konami’s legendary survival-horror franchise, the movie promises terror, mystery, and psychological … Read More “Silent Hill (2006): A Scenic Tour of Fog, Screaming, and Poor Life Choices” »
Slasher films are supposed to be fun. They’re supposed to have over-the-top kills, a dumb but watchable cast of victims, and a villain who’s either terrifying or so ridiculous you can’t help but cheer. See No Evil, however, is the cinematic equivalent of watching someone play Mortal Kombat with the controller unplugged. It’s sluggish, awkward, … Read More “See No Evil (2006): Or, How to Waste Kane in 90 Minutes” »
Some horror films are scary because they expose deep truths about human nature. Some are scary because they push the boundaries of gore and imagination. And then there’s Room 6, which is scary because you realize you’ve just wasted 90 minutes of your life and can’t get them back. Directed by Michael Hurst and starring … Read More “Room 6: Abandon Hope, All Who Stream Here” »
There’s a special corner of cinematic hell reserved for sequels that should never have been made, and Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes is in the VIP lounge. Released in 2006 as a made-for-television “event,” this third entry in the Pumpkinhead franchise manages to be neither scary, nor fun, nor even accidentally entertaining. It’s the kind of … Read More “Pumpkinhead: Ashes to Ashes – When Bad Sequels Rise From the Swamp” »
Some fairy tales end with happily ever after. Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth ends with a bullet in a child’s chest and three Academy Awards. Somehow, that makes perfect sense. Released in 2006, this Spanish-Mexican fever dream of fascists, fauns, and flesh-eating monsters has been hailed as one of the best fantasy films ever made—and … Read More “Pan’s Labyrinth: The Fairy Tale Where Everyone Dies Beautifully” »
Greek mythology has survived for thousands of years because it’s timeless: betrayal, lust, monsters, and heroes. Unfortunately, Minotaur (2006), Jonathan English’s horror retelling, manages to take one of the most gripping myths ever told and turn it into a creature feature that looks like it escaped from a SyFy Original lineup. If Homer had seen … Read More “Minotaur (2006): A Myth Retold, Then Immediately Regretted” »
Indonesian horror has given us some truly eerie classics—films soaked in folklore, dripping in atmosphere, and brimming with enough supernatural mayhem to keep you awake long after the credits roll. Lentera Merah, however, is not one of them. Instead, Hanung Bramantyo’s 2006 ghost story about a cursed campus magazine feels like the cinematic equivalent of … Read More “Lentera Merah (2006): When Campus Journalism Meets Ghostly HR Problems” »
Every culture has its boogeyman—or, in this case, boogeywoman. In Indonesia, that figure is the Kuntilanak, a female ghost with a laugh so bone-chilling it could make your grandmother’s rosary beads knot themselves. In Rizal Mantovani’s Kuntilanak (The Chanting, 2006), we don’t just get the folklore. We get the folklore shoved through a funhouse mirror, … Read More “Kuntilanak (2006): When Mirrors, Maggots, and Javanese Poetry Make Horror Sing” »