If hell has a bargain bin, Incubus is probably still sitting there, collecting digital dust between House of the Dead and a bootleg copy of Troll 2. Billed as the first “Download To Own” video back in 2006, it feels less like a milestone for the future of film distribution and more like a crime … Read More “Incubus (2006): Tara Reid vs. The Nap Demon Nobody Wanted” »
There are bad zombie movies, and then there are The Zombie Diaries—a film that proves the undead aren’t the only ones wandering around aimlessly. Written and directed by Kevin Gates and Michael Bartlett, this British indie “found footage” horror tries to answer the question, What if 28 Days Later had zero budget, no charisma, and … Read More “The Zombie Diaries (2006): When Found Footage Should’ve Stayed Lost” »
There are movies that aim to terrify you, movies that aim to inspire you, and then there are movies like The Visitation(2006), which attempt both and end up as something much stranger: a supernatural horror-thriller that feels like it was cooked up during a late-night Bible study where someone spiked the communion wine. Based on … Read More “The Visitation (2006): Jesus Has Left the Chat, But Edward Furlong Found the Wig” »
Some horror films dig into the primal fears of humanity: death, isolation, monsters in the dark. Others, like TxT (2006), dig into… prepaid load. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is a horror movie where the villain is not a masked killer, not a vampire, not even a ghost with good posture—it’s your clingy ex-boyfriend with … Read More ““TxT”: When Horror Is Just Unlimited Texting with Bad Signal” »
Sometimes a horror movie doesn’t need buckets of CGI blood, hammy acting, or a half-baked origin story involving ancient curses and goat demons. Sometimes it just needs the simplest premise: a house, a couple, and some little bastards with hoodies and sharp objects. Them (Ils) (2006), directed by David Moreau and Xavier Palud, is one … Read More ““Hide and Seek with Knives”: A Darkly Funny Praise for Them (Ils)” »
Ah, Stay Alive. The horror movie that asked the bold question: “What if a video game could kill you?” and then immediately answered with: “It would still be less painful than sitting through this film.” Released in 2006, directed by William Brent Bell (the same guy who would later give us The Devil Inside—so you … Read More “Stay Alive (2006): Press X to Die of Boredom” »
There’s bad horror, and then there’s Skinwalkers (2006), a film so aggressively mediocre it makes you long for the dignity of a SyFy original movie where the monster is just a sock puppet with fangs. Directed by James Isaac—who, after Jason X, should have been placed on a cinematic watchlist—this werewolf “epic” tries to blend … Read More “Skinwalkers (2006): When Werewolves Howl in Boredom” »
There are horror remakes, and then there’s Sisters (2006)—a film so unnecessary it feels like cinematic malpractice. Directed by Douglas Buck and starring Stephen Rea, Lou Doillon, and Chloë Sevigny, this ill-advised reboot of Brian De Palma’s 1972 cult classic manages to take a sleek, stylish psycho-thriller and remake it into something resembling a Lifetime … Read More “Sisters (2006): A Remake Nobody Asked For, Delivered Like a Knockoff Surgery” »
The Shake, Rattle and Roll franchise is a beloved Filipino horror anthology series that just won’t die. By the time part eight rolled around in 2006, it was less a horror institution and more like that relative who keeps showing up to family reunions even though nobody remembers inviting them. Shake, Rattle and Roll 8 … Read More “Shake, Rattle and Roll 8 (2006): A Party, a Babysitter, and a Killer Train to Nowhere” »
There’s horror, there’s gore, and then there’s Saw III—a movie that looks you in the eye, hands you a bucket of pig guts, and whispers, “This is art.” Darren Lynn Bousman’s third entry in the franchise is the cinematic equivalent of getting locked in a Chili’s bathroom with a philosophy major who won’t stop talking … Read More “Saw III (2006): Torture Porn with Homework Attached” »