Poché Pictures

Introduction: Welcome to Australia, Population—Oops Every country has its cinematic calling card. America has superheroes blowing up New York, Japan has kaiju stomping on Tokyo, and Australia has Mick Taylor—a sunburnt psychopath who proves that “friendly local” can mean someone offering you beer, meat pies, or a slow, torturous death in the outback. Greg McLean’s … Read More “Wolf Creek (2005): A Love Letter to the Australian Outback, Serial Killers, and Your Poor Life Choices” »

Introduction: Whispering Corridors, Shouting Disappointments The Whispering Corridors series started in 1998 as a clever mix of schoolgirl angst, social critique, and supernatural chills. By the time we reached the fourth film, Voice (2005), the franchise had apparently run out of both corridors and whispers. Instead, it gave us 100 minutes of ghosts sulking in … Read More “Voice (2005): When Horror Loses Its Voice” »

Introduction: A Fangtastic Mess That Works Anyway Every so often, a film shuffles out of the direct-to-video crypt wearing yesterday’s club clothes and says, “Yeah, I know I’m trash—but you love me anyway.” Thralls (2005), or Blood Angels for our Canadian cousins, is exactly that kind of movie. Directed by Ron Oliver (a man who … Read More “Thralls (2005): Fang Girls Gone Wild” »

Introduction: When a Horror Film Forgets the “Horror” The Skeleton Key is the cinematic equivalent of buying an expensive antique chest and discovering it’s full of mothballs and disappointment. Directed by Iain Softley and written by Ehren Kruger (the man who also gave us Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, so you know what kind of … Read More “The Skeleton Key (2005): Hoodoo, Voodoo, and a Whole Lot of Who-Cares” »

Introduction: The Night Santa Came to Murder Christmas Cheer Christmas horror has always been a niche delight. Black Christmas gave us atmospheric dread. Silent Night, Deadly Nightgave us controversy and trauma for children browsing VHS shelves. Santa’s Slay (2005) gives us Bill Goldberg in a Santa suit pile-driving the holiday spirit into the nearest fireplace. … Read More “Santa’s Slay (2005): Ho-Ho-Horrible” »

Introduction: Death of a Franchise By 2005, Return of the Living Dead was already on life support. What began as a sharp, punk-horror satire in 1985 had devolved into a hollow echo of its former self, like your cool uncle who once saw the Ramones live but now DJs at a middle school dance. Return … Read More “Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005): Zombies Just Wanna Have Fun (And So Does the Franchise, Apparently)” »

Introduction: Sci-Fi Channel’s Wettest Mistake Somewhere in 2005, a group of executives gathered in a boardroom and said: “What if we made Jaws, but stupider, cheaper, and with aliens?” Thus, Raging Sharks was born. Directed by Danny Lerner, this masterpiece of mediocrity tries to blend science fiction, action, horror, and Cold War paranoia into one … Read More “Raging Sharks (2005): When Even the Sharks Want Out” »

Introduction: Ring, Ring… It’s Mediocrity Horror sequels are tricky. You can either expand on the mythology (Evil Dead II), reinvent the formula (Halloween III—okay, maybe not), or you can do what One Missed Call 2 does: press “repeat” until the audience’s soul disconnects. This film is the cinematic equivalent of a spam robocall: repetitive, unwanted, … Read More “One Missed Call 2 (2005): When Your Phone Bill is Scarier Than the Movie” »

Introduction: Sci-Fi Channel Roulette Back in 2005, before the Sci-Fi Channel decided to drop a vowel and rebrand itself as Syfy (because spelling is apparently harder than CGI), the network specialized in what can only be described as cinematic landfill. One such entry was Manticore, a movie about U.S. soldiers in Iraq who stumble upon … Read More “Manticore (2005): Beast of Burden, Burden Being This Movie” »

Opening Swarm: A Plague Upon Your Sunday Night CBS once looked at America, looked at its fear of bugs, and said: what if we made homework about it? Thus begat Locusts (a.k.a. Locusts: Day of Destruction), a two-hour natural-horror TV event where the special effects are outpaced only by the plot holes. Think Jaws, if … Read More “Locusts (2005): When Nature Attacks… Your Remote” »