We’ve seen it all when it comes to mid-life crisis movies: the red sports cars, the torrid affairs with the secretary, the sad little man staring out his suburban window wondering where his life went while his sprinkler system malfunctions in the background. And then along came Auggie, a small 2019 indie drama that asked: … Read More “Auggie (2019) – The Uncanny Valley of Midlife” »
There are mysteries in cinema. Who killed Laura Palmer? Who or what is The Thing at the end of The Thing? Why is Nic Cage… Nic Cage? But the greatest unsolved riddle of cinema might just be this: what in the ever-loving hell was Deborah Shelton doing in Dangerous Cargo? This isn’t a rhetorical flourish. … Read More “Dangerous Cargo (1977): Deborah Shelton, What Are You Doing Here?” »
There are bad movies, and then there’s The Lawnmower Man—a film that promised cutting-edge science fiction and instead delivered the cinematic equivalent of a floppy disk that corrupts halfway through saving. Directed by Brett Leonard and starring Jeff Fahey, Pierce Brosnan, and more early-’90s CGI than any human eye deserves, The Lawnmower Man is less … Read More “The Lawnmower Man (1992): When Cyberspace Looked Like a Screensaver and Stephen King Called His Lawyer” »
By the time you hit the third film in any horror franchise, you’re either doubling down on what works (A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors) or you’re clutching your puzzle box while the studio executives chant “cash grab” in unison. Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth falls squarely into the latter camp: a neon-lit … Read More “Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth When Chains and Leather Jumped the Shark” »
There are bad horror movies, and then there’s Hellmaster—a film so profoundly confused it feels like the cinematic equivalent of a freshman philosophy major on mushrooms explaining Nietzsche to a goldfish. Written and directed by Douglas Schulze, this 1992 slab of VHS sludge stars the great John Saxon, who looks like he signed up for … Read More “Hellmaster (1992): When Even John Saxon Can’t Save You from the Nietzsche Juice” »
Kiyoshi Kurosawa—yes, that Kiyoshi Kurosawa, the guy who would later gift the world with the legitimately haunting Pulse—once made a slasher about an office building, a security guard, and a shrine made out of printer paper and creepy devotion. The film is called The Guard from Underground, or The Security Guard from Hell, depending on … Read More “The Guard from Underground (1992): When Sumo Meets Xerox Machines” »
In 1992, the BBC accidentally pulled off the greatest Halloween prank since kids discovered you could fill apples with razor blades. Ghostwatch aired once, on October 31st, and never again—unless you count the reruns on niche horror channels decades later, or the nightmares of British children who spent years checking their understairs cupboards for a … Read More “Ghostwatch (1992): The Night the BBC Summoned Satan into Your Living Room” »
Some horror movies come at you with buckets of blood, others with masked maniacs in suburban cul-de-sacs. Dust Deviltakes the road less traveled—literally. Richard Stanley’s surreal 1992 horror film doesn’t just give you a killer; it gives you a wandering, shape-shifting demon hitchhiking through the vast deserts of Namibia. If The Silence of the Lambs … Read More “Dust Devil (1992) Hitchhiking With a Demon Never Looked This Good” »
Some movies make you nostalgic for childhood. Demonic Toys makes you wonder if your Teddy Ruxpin was secretly plotting to suffocate you in your sleep. Produced by Charles Band’s Full Moon Entertainment and directed by Peter Manoogian, this straight-to-video horror comedy feels like someone put Child’s Play, Toy Story, and a flea market Satanist pamphlet … Read More “Demonic Toys (1992): Chuck E. Cheese’s from Hell” »
Somewhere between a Soviet ballet recital and a Friday the 13th fan film, Dance Macabre pirouettes onto the screen, lands flat on its face, and then insists it was all part of the choreography. Directed by Greydon Clark (a man whose cinematic resume reads like a cry for help) and starring Robert Englund, this 1992 … Read More “Dance Macabre — Swan Lake Meets “Who Approved This Script?”” »
