Before Guillermo del Toro became Hollywood’s most lovable monster nerd, winning Oscars for fish sex (The Shape of Water) and directing kaiju fisticuffs (Pacific Rim), he made Cronos. This 1992 Mexican indie horror-drama about eternal life, vampirism, and antique-dealer midlife crises is less a debut and more a manifesto. From the first frame, del Toro … Read More “Cronos (1992): The Best Bloodsucker You’ve Never Invited In” »
Sequels are supposed to raise the stakes, expand the lore, or at least deliver some fresh kills with a bit of style. Children of the Corn II manages none of these things. Instead, it drags us back to Nebraska for another round of homicidal farm kids, clumsy adult heroes, and cornfields that are apparently more … Read More “Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992) How Many Sacrifices Does It Take to Kill a Franchise?” »
There are bad movies, and then there are movies so bizarrely committed to their own nonsense that you can’t tell if you’re watching a film, a fever dream, or a 90-minute inside joke that got way out of hand. The Cat—a.k.a. The 1000 Years Cat, a.k.a. Wisely’s Old Cat—is one of those. Directed by Lam … Read More “The Cat (1992): When Hong Kong Decided to Weaponize a Housecat” »
Francis Ford Coppola gave the world The Godfather, Apocalypse Now, and then, in a drunken dare to his own legacy, Bram Stoker’s Dracula. On paper, this sounds like a slam dunk: a visionary director adapting the greatest vampire novel ever written, with Gary Oldman, Anthony Hopkins, and Winona Ryder on the marquee. Instead, what we … Read More “Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)— When Gothic Horror Becomes Gothic Soap Opera” »
Michael Haneke’s Benny’s Video is the kind of movie that makes you wonder if the director hates not just his characters, but you personally for watching it. This is a film so drenched in cold detachment that it makes American Psycho look like a Pixar short. It’s bleak, clinical, and about as fun as watching … Read More “Benny’s Video (1992): Smile, You’re on Murder Cam” »
Some horror films are bad in a way that makes you laugh. Some are bad in a way that makes you cry. And then there’s Ax ’Em, a film so incompetent it makes you question whether you accidentally stumbled across someone’s rejected home video project. Marketed as a slasher, directed by Michael Mfume (son of … Read More “Ax ’Em (1992) The Slasher That Forgot to Be a Movie” »
There are bad horror-comedies, and then there’s Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies, a film so undercooked it’s practically bleeding on the plate. Directed by Joseph F. Robertson, this 1992 oddity is what happens when you mix Sweeney Todd, Motel Hell, and a particularly low-rent Playboy video, then forget to add seasoning, logic, or shame. On paper, … Read More “Auntie Lee’s Meat Pies (1992): Satan, Cleavers, and Karen Black in a Movie That Should’ve Stayed in the Oven” »
By the sixth Amityville movie, you’d think the franchise would be wheezing on life support, begging for a priest to pull the plug. We’ve had the house, the lamp, the dollhouse—basically anything that can gather dust in a suburban living room has had its shot at being evil. So when this installment revealed its big … Read More “Amityville 1992: It’s About Time — Tick-Tock Goes the Haunted Clock, and Somehow It Works” »
There are movies that disappoint, movies that anger, and movies that feel like they broke into your house, kicked your dog, and then charged you $12.50 for the privilege. Alien 3 is somehow all three. The much-maligned third entry in the once-invincible Alien franchise doesn’t just stumble—it faceplants into a prison furnace while screaming, “Studio … Read More “Alien 3 (1992): The Chestburster of Franchise Killers” »
Some film series age like wine. Others age like expired milk. Then there’s Witchcraft, a horror franchise that went straight from “maybe interesting” to “are they serious?” in just three installments. Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death proves that if you put a law degree, some demonic nightclub nonsense, and a witch doctor named Reverend … Read More “Witchcraft III: The Kiss of Death (1991) When Law School Meets Lucifer, Everyone Loses” »