There are bad movies, and then there are movies so bizarrely committed to their own nonsense that you can’t tell if you’re watching a film, a fever dream, or a 90-minute inside joke that got way out of hand. The Cat—a.k.a. The 1000 Years Cat, a.k.a. Wisely’s Old Cat—is one of those. Directed by Lam Ngai Kai (the guy who also gave us Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, which at least had the decency to lean fully into its cartoonish gore), this is a film that asks: “What if an alien housecat could fly, fight monsters, and save the galaxy?” The answer: apparently, you get a movie that feels like E.T. after huffing glue in a Hong Kong alleyway.
The Premise: Alien Cat Saves the Day
The movie begins with Li Tung, some unlucky schmuck whose upstairs neighbor has a cat that sounds like it’s running a late-night CrossFit class. He barges upstairs, sees a girl and her feline, and thinks nothing more of it—until he discovers a pile of bloody cat organs. At this point, a sane person would leave, move cities, maybe even continents. But this is Hong Kong sci-fi, so instead we dive headfirst into a plot where the cat—yes, the cat—is an alien warrior called “The General.”
The General, along with an alien girl and her knightly sidekick Errol, are here on Earth to stop a fungus monster that looks like a plate of overcooked calamari hooked up to a car battery. Their plan involves stealing octagonal artifacts, battling possession-zombie cops, and ultimately blowing up the monster from the inside. You know, standard intergalactic housecat business.
The Cat: Hero, Warrior, Predator… Laser Pointer Enthusiast
Let’s not sugarcoat it: this is a cat movie. And not in the way Pet Sematary or Re-Animator uses a cat to build tension. No, this feline is the main character. We watch it leap across junkyards, duel dogs, fly through the air, and reattach its own severed tail. It’s like Homeward Bound if Chance got a shotgun and Shadow learned wire-fu.
Problem is, the cat isn’t particularly convincing as an action star. Sure, they use animatronics and puppetry, but most of the time it’s just a very confused tabby being shoved around by stagehands. Watching this creature “fight” looks less like epic sci-fi combat and more like your aunt trying to bathe her pet against its will.
Wisely: Hong Kong’s Worst Novelist
Enter Wisely, the adventure novelist played by Waise Lee. Wisely is supposed to be our human anchor, but he spends most of the film wandering around like a man who’s been concussed by his own typewriter. His big investigative breakthrough? “I think the girl and her cat might be from another star.” Sherlock Holmes, eat your heart out.
By the end, Wisely decides not to tell anyone what he’s seen—alien cats, exploding fungus monsters, bodies piling up in the streets—because, hey, it’ll make for a good book. Humanity be damned, this guy’s worried about his Amazon ranking.
The Villain: Fungus Among Us
The antagonist of this mess is a fungus monster that possesses humans. And when I say “possesses,” I mean it makes them act like zombies while still carrying out basic gunplay, as if possession comes with an instruction manual for firearm safety. Visually, it looks like something you’d scrape off your shower tiles after ignoring them for a month. This is not a monster that inspires fear. This is a monster that inspires Clorox.
By the time it’s full-on battling the alien cat on a rooftop, you’ve stopped being scared and started wondering if you should be getting a tetanus shot just for watching.
The Supporting Cast: Humans as Afterthoughts
Christine Ng plays Pai So, Wisely’s partner, who mostly exists to tag along, gasp, and provide exposition. Gloria Yip plays the alien girl, who spends half the movie whispering sweet nothings to her cat like she’s in a weird interstellar version of My Strange Addiction. Errol, her knightly companion, looks like he lost a bet that forced him into a Ren Faire gig that just never ended.
Then there’s Philip Kwok as Inspector Wang, who gets possessed by the fungus monster and proceeds to chew scenery harder than the cat ever could. Watching him is like seeing your drunk uncle try to improv Shakespeare at Thanksgiving. It’s fascinating, but not in a way that’s good for you.
The Effects: Animatronic Cat from Hell
Credit where it’s due: they tried. There are practical effects galore—animatronics, puppets, squibs, and plenty of fake organs. But the animatronic cat is nightmare fuel. One moment it’s a real tabby swatting at string; the next, it’s a dead-eyed puppet with jerky movements that look like a cursed carnival prize come to life.
And the fight scenes? Imagine a laser pointer battle, only the laser is off-screen and the cat is visibly uninterested. You’re not on the edge of your seat—you’re wondering if the SPCA should’ve intervened.
Tone: Sci-Fi, Horror, Comedy, or Accident?
The biggest issue with The Cat isn’t that it’s silly—it’s that it doesn’t know how it’s silly. One minute it’s playing like an alien invasion thriller, the next it’s a buddy comedy, and then suddenly we’re watching a full-blown feline wuxia epic. It’s like the filmmakers kept changing genres mid-shoot, and instead of editing it into something coherent, they just shrugged and said, “Leave it all in. People will love it.”
Spoiler: people did not love it.
Dark Humor Highlights
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A police investigation where the major clue is…cat hair. CSI: Litter Box Unit.
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A dog named Lao Pu gets into a fight with the alien cat and loses so badly you expect Sarah McLachlan to show up and start singing.
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The General flying into the monster’s mouth with an artifact clenched in his teeth is staged like the feline version of Independence Day. All that’s missing is a meow dubbed over “Hello, boys, I’m back!”
Final Verdict: Litter Box Cinema
The Cat could have been campy fun. Instead, it’s the kind of movie that makes you wonder if the editor was actually a cat walking across the film splicer. It’s too ridiculous to be scary, too clumsy to be thrilling, and too earnest to be parody. What’s left is a cinematic hairball—unpleasant, confusing, and yet weirdly impressive in its sheer audacity.
Karen Black once made meat pies for Satan. Pat Morita once faced off against demon pastry chefs. But here? Here, Hong Kong gave us an alien housecat who saves the day while its human co-stars fumble around like they’re in a sitcom with a laugh track that got lost in translation.
