A Low-Budget Fever Dream in a Suburban House Some films ask you to suspend disbelief. Killing Spree asks you to strangle it, bury it in the backyard, and wait for it to come back as a zombie. Written and directed by Tim Ritter, this 1987 splatter-fest is a gleeful descent into paranoia, bloodshed, and neighborhood … Read More “Killing Spree (1987) – Review” »
The Eternal Youth of Bad Cinema There are movies that take years to make because of artistry. Apocalypse Now, The Irishman, Boyhood. Then there’s Evil Town, a Frankenstein’s monster of a horror film stitched together from the rotting limbs of four directors, two decades of lawsuits, and one producer who went to prison for fraud. … Read More “Evil Town (1987) – Review” »
A Hospital Full of Idiots and One Big Bug If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if The Andromeda Strain, Aliens, and a bad after-school special had a baby, then dumped that baby in a Canadian tax shelter, you’ve got Blue Monkey. Directed by William Fruet—a man whose name sounds like a rejected … Read More “Blue Monkey (1987) – Review” »
If Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds was a delicately balanced martini of suspense, dread, and icy blonde terror, then René Cardona Jr.’s Beaks: The Movie is a warm can of Schlitz with a cigarette butt floating in it. Somewhere between Mexican tax shelter and unintentional comedy, this 1987 disaster flick proves once and for all that … Read More “Beaks: The Movie (1987) – Review” »
The Forgotten ’80s Gem That Shouldn’t Be Some horror films claw their way into your psyche with artistry and subtlety. Others break in like a drunk relative at 3 a.m., screaming, sweating neon, and demanding your attention. Retribution (1987) is firmly in the second camp. Directed by Guy Magar, it’s a strange, sweaty, neon-soaked possession … Read More “Retribution (1987) — Suicide, Spirits, and Sequin Jackets from Hell” »
Welcome to the Manliest Movie Ever Made If you took every protein shake in the 1980s, distilled it into pure testosterone, and then set it loose in the jungle with a budget of $15 million, you’d get Predator (1987). Directed by John McTiernan, this isn’t just a film—it’s a sweaty shrine to biceps, bullets, and … Read More “Predator (1987) — The Jungle Book, But Everyone’s Armed to the Teeth” »
A Murder Market Nobody Asked For In the 1980s, the slasher boom got so desperate for new gimmicks that filmmakers started scraping the bottom of the bloodstained barrel. Campgrounds? Done. Prom nights? Over. Christmas? Taken. Real estate? Sure, why not. And thus we were gifted—or cursed—with Open House (1987), the only slasher film brave enough … Read More “Open House (1987) — Location, Location, Execution” »
Revenge, Texas Style The 1980s were a golden age of slashers. Freddy had his glove. Jason had his machete. Michael Myers had his kitchen knife. And then, in the proud plains of East Texas, a low-budget visionary asked: “But what if… nails?” Thus was born Nail Gun Massacre, a rape-and-revenge slasher so amateur it makes … Read More “Nail Gun Massacre (1987) — Death by Home Depot” »
Sweat, Lycra, and Murder The 1980s were a strange time: mullets, cocaine, pastel blazers, and the inexplicable belief that aerobics were the answer to all of life’s problems. Out of this Lycra-clad fever dream came Killer Workout (aka Aerobicide), a slasher film so profoundly stupid it makes Pumping Iron look like Citizen Kane. Written and … Read More “Killer Workout (1987) — Death by Spandex” »
The Queen Is Dead. Long Live the Queen. Every horror franchise has its black sheep. Halloween has Season of the Witch. Friday the 13th has Jason Goes to Hell. Prom Night has… well, Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II. Except here’s the twist: this one isn’t the black sheep. It’s the drunk uncle who crashes … Read More “Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II (1987) — Carrie Goes to Catholic School and Brings a Stink Bomb” »