Vincent Price’s Last Waltz Every horror anthology needs a hook. Creepshow had comic-book glee. Tales from the Crypt had a corpse with punchlines. From a Whisper to a Scream (aka The Offspring) has Vincent Price in Tennessee, sipping whiskey-flavored dread and selling you on the idea that one backwoods town is essentially Hell with biscuits. … Read More “From a Whisper to a Scream (1987) — Evil Has a Southern Accent” »
Dollhouse of Pain There’s an unspoken rule in horror: creepy dolls work best in small doses. Give Chucky five minutes of screen time, and you’ve got a franchise. Give Annabelle a shadow in the corner, and you’ve got chills. Give us ninety minutes of nothing but dolls—as Stuart Gordon’s Dolls (1987) does—and you’ve got the … Read More “Dolls (1987) — A Toy Story for People Who Hate Themselves” »
A Cross to Bear (Literally) Every now and then, cinema coughs up something so bizarre, so unhinged, so proudly inept, you wonder if the whole production wasn’t part of an elaborate prank. Cross of the Seven Jewels (La croce dalle 7 pietre) is one of those films—a werewolf epic that doubles as a vanity project … Read More “Cross of the Seven Jewels (1987) — A Werewolf in Naples With No Bite” »
A Hangover That Lasts 95 Minutes There are bad horror movies. Then there are bad horror movies that make you wish you’d been the one pulled into the quicksand, decapitated by a boat propeller, or strangled by a sentient banister. Bloody New Year—also known as Time Warp Terror, also known as Horror Hotel, also known … Read More “Bloody New Year (1987) — Happy New Fear, Now Please Leave” »
A Haunted House Without the Ghosts (or the Charm) Some horror films stick to your ribs like a greasy diner meal—Psycho being the greasy cheeseburger we never forgot. Then there’s Bates Motel (1987), the reheated mystery meat left under the heat lamp too long, the kind you wouldn’t feed even to Norman Bates’ stuffed birds. … Read More “Bates Motel (1987) — A Vacancy No One Should Fill” »
Aunt Catherine’s Death: Lights, Camera, Strychnine The film begins with wealthy Aunt Catherine Boyle downing strychnine on camera like she’s auditioning for Faces of Death: The Home Video Edition. She dies dramatically, leaving behind an estate in Pennsylvania, $8 million in missing cash, and a film that feels like Knives Out if Rian Johnson had … Read More “Rest in Pieces (1987): Death Cult, Cash Grab, and a Plane Full of Nonsense” »
Genie in a Bottle? More Like Garbage in a Lamp The Outing (originally The Lamp) wants to be a supernatural slasher, a mystical creature feature, and a museum-set horror extravaganza all rolled into one. What it delivers instead is a cinematic dumpster fire fueled by bad acting, bargain-bin effects, and a killer genie with the … Read More “The Outing (1987): Be Careful What You Wish For, Especially if You Wished for This Movie” »
A Yacht, A Flashback, and a Whole Lot of Nothing Moon in Scorpio is what happens when a producer demands Halloween on a boat but also insists on cramming in half a Vietnam War revenge story. The result is a movie that doesn’t know if it wants to be a slasher, a war drama, or … Read More “Moon in Scorpio (1987): When the Moon Hits Your Eye Like a Cheap Grappling Hook” »
A Cosmic Horror Without the Horror Lily C.A.T. should be a cult gem. It’s got the pedigree: directed by Hisayuki Toriumi (Area 88), monster designs by Yoshitaka Amano (Final Fantasy legend), and character work by Yasuomi Umetsu (Kite). On paper, this is an anime dream team. In execution, it’s the kind of dream where you … Read More “Lily C.A.T. (1987): In Space, No One Can Hear You Rip Off Alien (Badly)” »
The Franchise That Should Have Stayed in the Water By 1987, the Jaws franchise had gone from groundbreaking horror (Jaws), to guilty-pleasure sequel (Jaws 2), to theme-park 3D fiasco (Jaws 3-D). But Jaws: The Revenge wasn’t content to simply be bad. No, Joseph Sargent’s cinematic shipwreck aimed higher: to be memorably, unforgivably, spectacularly awful. And … Read More “Jaws: The Revenge (1987): This Time, It’s Personal (and Pointless)” »