If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a group of horny medical students, a gang of trick-or-treating kids, and Satan’s most enthusiastic employee all ended up at the same cemetery on Halloween night… congratulations, your oddly specific fantasy already exists. It’s called Cemetery of Terror (1985), a Mexican horror flick so committed to being … Read More “Cemetery of Terror (1985) – Grave Mistakes and Zombie Shakes” »
We all know a kid like this. The one who could sell you a smile while hiding a pocketful of broken toys, dead insects, and possibly your car keys. The one who seems just a little too perfect—until you realize perfection is just a mask for chaos. Wes Craven gave us Freddy. Hitchcock gave us … Read More “The Bad Seed (1985) – A Good Film with a Killer Punchline” »
The Sequel Nobody Asked For The first Poltergeist was a haunted-house rollercoaster—Spielberg behind the curtain, Tobe Hooper waving his hands, and JoBeth Williams diving into a swimming pool full of skeletons that were uncomfortably real. The sequel? Well, imagine the same rollercoaster, except the track ends halfway through and they just push the car down … Read More “Poltergeist II: The Other Side (1986)” »
When Hitchcock Meets Planet of the Apes (Badly) “An anthropological thriller,” director Richard Franklin said. What we actually got was Curious George Goes Berserk in Scotland. The film markets itself like high-brow horror but plays out like a bad zoo exhibit you can’t leave. A mansion on the coast, three apes, a young student, and … Read More “Link (1986)” »
The Setup: Art-House Murder with a Camcorder Budget If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like if PBS tried to make a slasher film on leftover pledge-drive money, wonder no more. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is the bleakest, grainiest, most relentlessly joyless hour and a half you can spend outside of jury … Read More “Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)” »
Some films are forgotten for a reason, and Girls School Screamers is one of them. Imagine a movie that wants to be a haunted mansion chiller, an incest drama, and a slasher flick—but ends up looking like a high school theater group got drunk on communion wine and borrowed Troma’s checkbook. At just 85 minutes, … Read More “Girls School Screamers (1986)” »
Wes Craven once gave us Freddy Krueger, a dream-stalking demon with wit, charisma, and a taste for inventive kills. With Deadly Friend, he gave us… BB the robot, a basketball, and Kristy Swanson running around like she’s auditioning for a role as a zombie cheerleader in a high school talent show. It’s like going from … Read More “Deadly Friend (1986)” »
Some movies stumble into mediocrity. Body Count sprints headlong into it, trips over a fake tomahawk, and lands face-first in a puddle of Abruzzi rainwater. This isn’t just a slasher film—it’s a séance held by Italian filmmakers who watched Friday the 13th once, took a shot of grappa, and said, “We can do that, but … Read More “Body Count (1986)” »
There are cult classics, and then there are cult classics that show up in the middle of the night wearing a wide-brimmed hat, riding a horse that looks like it’s been dead for two weeks, and asking if you’d mind terribly if they decapitate a vampire on your front lawn. Vampire Hunter D is the … Read More “Vampire Hunter D (1985)” »
If the first A Nightmare on Elm Street was a razor-gloved fever dream about the sins of suburbia, then its sequel is the awkward middle child who shows up drunk at Thanksgiving, wearing dad’s sweater backwards and insisting that everything is “fine.” Spoiler: it isn’t. Freddy’s Revenge is what happens when you take one of … Read More “A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)” »