Sex, Blood, and Absolutely No Class If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if you combined a Dracula flick with a bargain-bin adult film and then removed anything resembling suspense, Vampire Hookers has your answer. Directed by Cirio H. Santiago, this 88-minute exercise in grindhouse sloppiness offers John Carradine as a vampire pimp—yes, a vampire … Read More “Vampire Hookers (1978) When your vampire movie sounds like a punchline—and plays like one too” »
The Witch Next Door—Or in This Case, in Your Guest Room Wes Craven’s Stranger in Our House proves that the 1970s had a special gift for turning domestic dramas into occult horror shows. Based on Lois Duncan’s Summer of Fear, it’s the tale of Rachel Bryant (Linda Blair), an all-American teenager whose life goes from … Read More “Stranger in Our House (1978) When family reunions come with witchcraft, bad horse accidents, and Fran Drescher” »
When Wine Turns into a Weapon of Mass Disfigurement Jean Rollin’s Les raisins de la mort is the rare zombie film that manages to make grape harvest season feel like a prelude to the apocalypse. It begins innocently enough—fields being sprayed with pesticides, vineyard workers doing their job—but before you know it, people are sprouting … Read More “Les raisins de la mort (1978) A toast to pesticides, pustules, and pastoral carnage” »
When a Movie Promises Terror and Delivers Tuesday Afternoon at the Zoo Night Creature begins with a premise that could have been halfway thrilling: a big-game hunter lets a leopard loose on an island to hunt, and a group of unlucky guests must survive. Sounds solid—until you realize this is a 1978 production that treats … Read More “Night Creature (1978) Come for the leopard, stay for the crushing disappointment” »
When the Puppet Has More Backbone Than the Puppeteer Some films are about the human condition, some are about love, and a rare few are about a ventriloquist dummy who essentially becomes the relationship counselor no one asked for. Richard Attenborough’s Magic is that rare beast—a psychological horror-drama where the dummy is both the comic … Read More “Magic (1978) Love, murder, and a wooden sidekick who talks back.” »
When Your Cruise Ends in a Nazi Timeshare If The Love Boat ever decided to branch out into maritime war crimes, you’d have Death Ship. Richard Crenna plays Trevor Marshall, the world’s most patient cruise director, stuck on a ship captained by George Kennedy’s Captain Ashland—a man so unpleasant you start rooting for the iceberg … Read More “Death Ship (1980) – The Love Boat, Now With Nazis” »
A Summer Vacation Sponsored by the Grim Reaper There’s nothing like spending your summer in a small-town bed-and-breakfast—especially when it used to be a funeral home, still smells faintly of embalming fluid, and is run by a grandmother who could win Olympic gold in passive-aggressive hospitality. In Funeral Home, our teenage heroine Heather finds herself … Read More “Funeral Home (1980) – Where the Check-In is Final” »
When Hallmark Cards Go Nuclear Ah, small-town New England. Quaint houses, friendly locals, and apparently a chemical plant one minor OSHA violation away from turning every Cub Scout into a walking microwave oven. The Children takes this Norman Rockwell backdrop and dumps a barrel of glowing nuclear waste all over it—literally—resulting in five pint-sized zombies … Read More “The Children (1980) – Radioactive Daycare From Hell” »
Apocalypse Tomorrow, Regret Immediately If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a grimy Italian exploitation director watched The Deer Hunter and thought, “You know what this needs? Tongue-biting and sewer chases,” then congratulations—you’ve imagined Cannibal Apocalypse. Antonio Margheriti (hiding under the pseudonym “Anthony M. Dawson,” as though he knew he was about to commit … Read More “Cannibal Apocalypse (1980) – When Vietnam PTSD Meets an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet” »
The Library Is Closed The Attic wants to be a psychological horror, but mostly it’s a 96-minute guided tour of Carrie Snodgress looking miserable in various rooms. Louise Elmore is a depressed, alcoholic spinster librarian in Wichita whose fiancé disappeared the day before their wedding—nineteen years ago. She’s spent the time since caring for her … Read More “The Attic (1980) – Monkey Business and Daddy Issues on the Slowest Burn Possible” »