The Knockoff Nobody Asked For If Alien is filet mignon, Alien 2: On Earth is a microwaved gas station burrito someone dropped in a cave. Directed by Ciro Ippolito under the inspired creative directive of “Let’s cash in before Fox lawyers notice,” this unofficial sequel has nothing to do with Ridley Scott’s masterpiece—unless you count … Read More “Alien 2: On Earth – In Space No One Can Hear You Sue” »
The Sci-Fi Horror That Throws Everything at the Wall (and Keeps It There) The Visitor is what happens when you take The Omen, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, a Hallmark basketball movie, and a 1970s Italian fever dream—blend them together, and serve over ice with a twist of Franco Nero as Space Jesus. Directed … Read More “The Visitor (1979) – Basketball, Bald Children, and Biblical Bird Attacks” »
When Vampires Trade in Capes for Clipboards Thirst isn’t your typical bloodsucker flick. There are no bats, no dusty castles, and not a single coffin in sight. Instead, we get a sleek, sinister “health facility” run by The Brotherhood, a cult of modern vampires who’ve swapped gothic romance for a sterile, hospital-chic aesthetic. Here, the … Read More “Thirst (1979) – Elizabeth Báthory Goes Corporate” »
When Nature Fights Back… Badly Prophecy wants to be Jaws for the environmental movement—a cautionary tale about pollution, corporate greed, and Mother Nature’s wrath. What it delivers instead is a mutant bear in what looks like a melted Halloween costume, stumbling through the woods like it’s late for a charity fun run. John Frankenheimer directs … Read More “Prophecy (1979) – The Environmental Monster Movie That Needed a Cleanup Crew” »
The Playboy Millionaire from the Ninth Circle of Hell If Perversion were just about a sleazy, small-town millionaire with too much money and not enough soul, it might have been an unremarkable Brazilian soap opera. But director José Mojica Marins, moonlighting from his Coffin Joe persona, decided to give us Vittorio Palestrina—a man who rapes, … Read More “Perversion (1979) – A Nipple Trophy Case and Other Poor Life Choices” »
The Only Thing Deadlier Than the Fish is the Script Jaws made sharks terrifying. Piranha made tiny fish terrifying. Killer Fish somehow makes both fish and heists boring. Directed by Antonio Margheriti, this soggy caper-horror hybrid tries to marry an emerald heist with a man-eating fish massacre. Unfortunately, what it really marries is two underwhelming … Read More “Killer Fish – Ocean’s Eleven Meets a Goldfish Tank from Hell” »
The Road Trip to Nowhere If you’ve ever wanted to see a country music singer’s career derailed by bad luck, corrupt law enforcement, and a prison psychiatrist with a clipboard full of evil, Human Experiments is here to grant that wish—minus the entertainment value. Linda Haynes plays Rachel Foster, a singer whose biggest crime is … Read More “Human Experiments (1979) – Shock Therapy for Anyone Who Thought This Was a Good Idea” »
The Elegant Carnage of Jean Rollin Jean Rollin’s Fascination isn’t just a horror film—it’s a slow, sensual waltz toward your doom, wrapped in satin and drenched in arterial spray. Set in 1905, the movie opens with Parisian women sipping ox blood in an abattoir like they’re sampling fine wine, and somehow, that’s the least unsettling … Read More “Fascination (1979) – Champagne, Blood, and a Scythe-Wielding Brigitte Lahaie” »
The Murder Plot That Needed a Murder Weapon for the Script Dominique is proof that just because you have Cliff Robertson, Jean Simmons, and a stately British estate doesn’t mean you have a movie. What you have here is a sluggish, tea-stained “psychological horror” that’s about as psychologically horrifying as being seated next to someone … Read More “Dominique (1979) – Gaslight, Ghosts, and Galloping Boredom” »
Dynamite Fishing: Nature’s Worst Icebreaker If Jaws made you afraid to go into the water, Bog will make you afraid to go into the bargain bin at your local thrift store. The plot—if that’s the word we’re using—kicks off when some yokel decides the best way to catch fish is to throw sticks of dynamite … Read More “Bog (1979) – The Creature from the Shallow, Shallow Budget” »