If you ever wondered what happens when a 1920s stage melodrama gets dusted off, draped in velvet, and dropped into a creaky English mansion in 1978, then The Cat and the Canary is your ticket to that bizarrely underwhelming experience. Directed by Radley Metzger, this sixth cinematic attempt at John Willard’s 1922 play plays out … Read More “The Cat and the Canary (1978): A Ghoulish Gathering of Mismatched Masks and Murders” »
Are You in the House Alone? wants desperately to be a scary thriller about a stalker terrorizing a teenage girl. Instead, it ends up as a slow-moving, awkward, made-for-TV morality play that beats you over the head with its “important message” until you want to scream, “Enough already!” Spoiler alert: If you thought horror meant … Read More “Are You in the House Alone? (1978): When Made-for-TV Horror Takes a Wrong Turn into “Life Lesson” Land” »
In a rare cinematic achievement, Three Dangerous Ladies manages to hit the trifecta of confusion, boredom, and questionable fashion choices in one neatly packaged, 84-minute slasher anthology. The film is like the mystery meat of the giallo horror genre—unappetizing at best, and oddly confusing at worst. It’s not that it’s “bad” in a fun, laugh-out-loud … Read More “Three Dangerous Ladies (1977): Three Times the Danger, None of the Fun” »
If you’re in the mood for a terrifying tale of marital ennui, identity crises, and a woman’s desperate search for a more fabulous life—hold onto your wigs because The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver is here to serve up more than you could ever ask for… and by that, I mean it delivers about as … Read More “The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver (1977): A Bewitching Waste of Time” »
Sisters of Death—what can I say? It’s like a bad dream where the only thing worse than the plot is the acting. And yet, it somehow manages to remain mildly entertaining. Maybe it’s the weird thrill of watching horror movie tropes pile up in a heap so high it practically reaches the electric fence surrounding … Read More “Sisters of Death (1977): When Life Gives You Clichés, Make A Slasher” »
Ah, Sette Note in Nero, or as it’s more romantically known in English-speaking lands—The Psychic—a film so thick with giallo conventions that it makes Clue look like Citizen Kane. If you enjoy a slow-paced whodunit that manages to confuse, bore, and occasionally entertain with its Italian style of, “Who needs coherent plot progression when you … Read More ““Sette Note in Nero” (1977): A Giallo So Bloated It Could Have Been a Murder Mystery in a 12-Step Program” »
Ah, Return to Boggy Creek, the film that dares to ask, “What if The Blair Witch Project had a baby with a second-rate Jaws ripoff, then decided it would be a fantastic idea to cast Gilligan’s Island’s Dawn Wells and a 12-year-old Dana Plato in starring roles?” It’s a swampy, somewhat incoherent, and, quite frankly, … Read More ““Return to Boggy Creek” (1977): A Swampy Saga of Missed Opportunities and Bizarre Allegories” »
Oh, Orca—the film that decided to answer the burning question: “What if Jaws… but with a killer whale and a lot less suspense?” It’s a film that attempts to trade the terror of a toothy shark for the tragic vengeance of a sea-dwelling mammal with some hefty emotional baggage, but ends up as a bloated, … Read More ““Orca” (1977): A Misguided Fish Tale That Struggles to Keep Its Head Above Water” »
Ah, Kingdom of the Spiders – a film that had all the right ingredients to be a terrifying eco-horror hit. The premise, which taps into the primal fear of creepy crawlers (we all have that one person in our life who won’t stop screaming if a spider even remotely approaches their proximity), sounds like it … Read More ““Kingdom of the Spiders” (1977): A Web of Wasted Potential and Shatner’s Best Overacting” »
In Holocaust 2000, otherwise known as The Chosen or Rain of Fire (which is a far more ominous title, honestly), director Alberto De Martino attempts to squeeze a B-movie plot into a bloated, overdone 1970s thriller. The result is nothing short of a baffling mess, in the same way a car crash involving a nuclear … Read More “Holocaust 2000 (1977): A Blazing Ode to Absurdity, Nuclear Power, and the Antichrist – With a Touch of Kirk Douglas’ Creaking Teeth” »