Ah, Cauldron of Blood. Or as it should’ve been called: Weekend at Boris’s. Because let’s be honest—this wasn’t a movie, this was a two-hour hostage situation where Boris Karloff was chained to a script that smelled like mothballs and desperation. Here’s the setup: Karloff plays a blind sculptor named Franz Badulescu, because apparently nothing screams … Read More “Cauldron of Blood (1970)” »
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if King Kong was remade by hungover carnies with a budget smaller than a Girl Scout cookie drive, look no further than Bigfoot (1970). This cinematic tragedy takes America’s favorite campfire monster and turns him into the clumsiest backyard wrestler in the history of exploitation filmmaking. The movie … Read More “Bigfoot (1970)” »
If you ever wanted to watch a movie that feels like being cornered at a bus stop by a man who smells like kerosene and won’t stop explaining his theories on sex, drugs, and Satan in excruciating detail, then congratulations: Awakening of the Beast is your cinematic nightmare come true. José Mojica Marins, Brazil’s self-crowned … Read More “Awakening of the Beast (1970)” »
There’s bad art, and then there’s Scream, Baby, Scream—a movie that looks like it was directed by a community theater stagehand who just discovered marijuana and body paint on the same weekend. It’s a horror film about artists, but it treats art the way a drunk frat boy treats karaoke: loud, messy, and absolutely convinced … Read More “Scream, Baby, Scream (1969)” »
Amando de Ossorio’s Malenka, the Vampire’s Niece is the kind of Gothic curio that makes you scratch your head and mutter, “Well, at least they tried.” On one hand, it’s one of the first vampire films from Spain, with castles, curses, villagers muttering over mugs of ale, and Anita Ekberg wandering through drafty corridors in … Read More “Malenka, the Vampire’s Niece (1969)” »
Larry Buchanan’s It’s Alive! is less a monster movie and more a cinematic prank played on anyone foolish enough to watch past the opening credits. Imagine driving all the way to rural Arkansas, only to find out your vacation “attraction” is a guy in a scuba suit with ping-pong balls glued to his face pretending … Read More “It’s Alive! (1969)” »
If Boris Karloff had a tombstone that read, “Here lies a man who deserved better scripts,” Snake People would be the ghost that apologizes for it. A zombie-sloshed, voodoo-choked train wreck with all the spiritual depth of a damp napkin, this Mexican horror oddity is less a film and more a séance for Karloff’s exhausted … Read More “Snake People (1971) “La Muerte Viviente… and the Dignity Long Since Deceased”” »
Let’s begin by acknowledging the real invasion here: The Incredible Invasion isn’t so much a movie as it is a slow, staggering collapse of dignity wrapped in tinfoil and vaguely accented English. Marketed as science fiction but better classified as cinematic taxidermy, this 1971 Mexican production stars the legendary Boris Karloff—or rather, the last, labored … Read More “The Incredible Invasion (1971) “Somewhere between science fiction and senior care lies this cosmic catastrophe.”” »
If you’ve ever wondered what it would look like if a psychotic art student, a rusty soup spoon, and an X-rated grindhouse projector had a three-way and accidentally birthed a movie, look no further than The Headless Eyes. This 1971 exploitation horror flick, written and directed by Kent Bateman (yes, the father of Arrested Development’s … Read More “The Headless Eyes (1971) “An eye for an eye? This film takes that literally—then gouges out your patience.”” »
If Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window and George Cukor’s Gaslight had a one-night stand during a blackout and forgot to raise the baby, the result would be The Glass Ceiling, a 1971 Spanish psychological thriller that’s somehow both claustrophobic and emotionally vacant. Written and directed by Eloy de la Iglesia, this film dares to ask: what … Read More “The Glass Ceiling (1971) “Paranoia, pottery, and pigs—Spain’s least thrilling thriller.”” »