There are movies that slip through the cracks of quality control. Then there are movies that sprint through those cracks in flaming clown shoes, flip the bird to coherence, and end up staining your psyche like cheap red wine. Brain of Blood is one of those movies. Al Adamson’s “masterpiece” of misdirection and melted logic … Read More “Brain of Blood (1971) – The Dollar Store Frankenstein Nobody Asked For” »
Watching Horror of the Blood Monsters is like slipping into a coma during a bad acid trip, waking up in a garage full of lava lamps and taxidermy mistakes. This isn’t a film. It’s a prank that got out of hand, an existential dare from director Al Adamson to see just how far he could … Read More “Horror of the Blood Monsters (1970) – A Madman’s Science Project with a Blood Capsule Budget” »
Watching Satan’s Sadists is like being dragged behind a motorcycle through a sandstorm of cigarettes, patchouli, and stupidity. This Al Adamson “classic” is less a movie and more a gas station bathroom graffiti session set to a kazoo cover of Born to Be Wild. It’s the kind of film that makes you question whether film … Read More “Satan’s Sadists (1969) – Leather, Sweat, and Plotless Despair” »
There are good ways to end a franchise, and then there’s The Satanic Rites of Dracula. It’s the cinematic equivalent of watching Christopher Lee attend his own funeral in slow motion—while someone reads Lovecraft out of order and a goat plays bongos in the background. This 1973 Hammer Studios disaster, directed by Alan Gibson, is … Read More ““The Satanic Rites of Dracula” (1973) – Stake Me Now, I’m Begging You” »
There are bad movies, and then there are crime scenes like The Lonely Lady—a 1983 catastrophe so gloriously miscalculated it makes Showgirls look like Citizen Kane with implants. Directed by Peter Sasdy, a man who once made respectable horror films, this film feels like it was edited on a cocktail napkin during a coke bender … Read More ““The Lonely Lady” (1983) – The Typewriter from Hell” »
Imagine being handed the grand legend of King Arthur—a saga of chivalry, magic, knights, and destiny—and deciding, “Nah, let’s shoot it like a low-budget Eurotrash soap opera.” That’s King Arthur: The Young Warlord, directed by Peter Sasdy in 1975, a flick that drains the romance, the magic, and most of the sense out of Camelot, … Read More ““King Arthur: The Young Warlord” (1975) – A Medieval Mess with Sponge-Sword Battles” »
Every now and then, a movie comes along that promises environmental horror, government conspiracies, and grotesque body horror—but instead serves up 90 minutes of a man in a beige suit walking around an island asking people questions. That’s Doomwatch (1972), directed by Peter Sasdy, the cinematic equivalent of a wet sponge: vaguely unpleasant, slowly disintegrating, … Read More ““Doomwatch” (1972) – Fishy Business in the Bay of Boredom” »
Let’s imagine you’re Hammer Films in 1971. You’ve got the sets. You’ve got the fog machines. You’ve got the cleavage budget covered. What do you do? You adapt the gruesome legend of Countess Elizabeth Báthory, the real-life Hungarian noblewoman who allegedly bathed in the blood of virgins to preserve her youth. This thing should write … Read More ““Countess Dracula” (1971) – A Bloodbath of Beige” »
If Westworld had been lobotomized, dragged through a spaghetti western, and then forgotten in a broom closet at Pinewood Studios, the result might look something like Peter Sasdy’s 1977 misfire Welcome to Blood City. It’s the kind of film that thinks it’s being profound because the characters don’t know what’s going on—when in reality, neither … Read More ““Welcome to Blood City” (1977) – The Old West Just Got Dumber” »
If Rosemary’s Baby had a nasty head injury and stumbled drunkenly into a B-movie casting call in Soho, the result might look something like Sharon’s Baby—a film so misbegotten, so tonally confused, it should come with a birth certificate stamped “illegitimate by Satan.” Directed by Peter Sasdy, a man who once helmed elegant nightmares like … Read More ““Sharon’s Baby” (1975) – Satan Called. He Wants a Refund.” »
