Ah, Moon Zero Two, Hammer Films’ spaceship awkward cousin to 2001: A Space Odyssey. Imagine watching someone try to be Kubrick, only with less budget, fewer ideas, and far worse haircuts 🚀 Premise: Sapphire Asteroids & Cringe-Worthy Cowboy Costumes Set in the “future” of 2021 (yes, it predicted our time—and looked about 1969), we meet … Read More ““Moon Zero Two” (1969): A Space Western That Should Have Stayed Grounded” »
Step right up to Hammer Films’ lesser‑known circus of cruelty—The Anniversary. Here, world‑weary Bette Davis dons an eyepatch and becomes Mrs. Taggart, the family’s one‑eyed matriarch whose annual ritual isn’t celebrating matrimonial bliss—it’s psychological torture. Welcome to a birthday party where the cake is lies, the candles are sharp, and everyone leaves feeling more emotionally … Read More ““The Anniversary” (1968): A Black‑Hearted Cakewalk Through Matriarchal Malevolence” »
Roy Ward Baker’s Two Left Feet is the cinematic equivalent of teenage awkwardness bottled and sold as a feature film. Based on David Stuart Leslie’s novel In My Solitude, this British comedy-drama follows Alan Crabbe (Michael Crawford), a gawky, repressed youth whose “two left feet” aren’t just literal—they’re metaphorical tripwires on his journey through sex, … Read More ““Two Left Feet” (1963): Teenage Angst in Tight Shoes” »
Let’s start with a fact: The Monster Club is technically a movie. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. People speak, things happen, credits roll. But beyond that, calling this thing a “film” is like calling a tax audit a romantic getaway. It’s a ghastly relic from the dying gasp of British horror … Read More “The Monster Club (1981): A Rock Concert for the Criminally Bored” »
If The Switch were a piece of furniture, it would be a warped end table abandoned on the side of the road—functional in theory, but splintered, awkward, and crawling with the termites of mediocrity. Directed by Roy Ward Baker during that long, foggy stretch of the 1970s when British horror films looked like they were … Read More “The Switch (1976): Roy Baker’s Bargain Bin Mind Swap and the Curse of British Beige” »
There’s a peculiar charm to Mission Monte Carlo, the 1974 TV movie that plays like a boozy handshake between espionage and a martini-soaked beach vacation. Directed by Roy Ward Baker, the most competent British director never to make a Bond film, and starring the ever-suave Roger Moore as Simon Templar, this entry in The Saint … Read More “Mission Monte Carlo (1974): The Saint Goes on Holiday—and Brings a Silencer” »
Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: The Vault of Horror isn’t scary. It won’t haunt your dreams, unless your dreams already include mustachioed insurance agents being buried alive or mannequins with a thirst for blood. It won’t cause you to scream, except maybe in delight when Tom Baker appears with a beard … Read More “The Vault of Horror (1973): A Coffin Full of Camp and Corpses” »
If Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was about the duality of man, then Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde is about what happens when that duality gets hormonal, wears a corset, and stabs people in the throat. Directed by Roy Ward Baker with a kind of amused menace, this Hammer classic takes the well-worn Stevenson tale … Read More “Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde (1971): Victorian Gender Bending with a Body Count” »
If Christopher Lee’s Dracula movies were Hammer Films’ moody Catholic guilt, then The Vampire Lovers was their sudden, sweaty sexual awakening. Directed by Roy Ward Baker with the wild-eyed confidence of a man who just found his ex-wife’s stash of erotica, this 1970 fever dream sinks its fangs into necks, bosoms, and Victorian repression with … Read More “The Vampire Lovers (1970): Fangs, Fog, and Forbidden Flesh—Hammer Goes Full Goth-Horny” »
If cinematic mediocrity had a charming British accent and a martini in hand, it would look a hell of a lot like The Fiction-Makers. Directed by Roy Ward Baker—yes, the same Baker who once made Martian telepathy feel apocalyptic in Quatermass and the Pit—this 1968 TV movie-turned-feature film is less a caper and more a … Read More “The Fiction-Makers (1968): Saint Misfires in a Celluloid Sneeze” »