There’s a special kind of dishonesty that comes with slapping The Final Chapter on a horror movie. It’s a promise, really: “Don’t worry, this is the end. We’ll stop now. You’ve suffered enough.” Jason did it, Freddy did it, even the Leprechaun probably considered it before heading into outer space. But Full Moon’s Puppet Master 5 is the cinematic equivalent of a drunk uncle saying, “One more story and I’m going to bed,” only to corner you for three more hours. Spoiler: this wasn’t the final chapter. It was just the franchise pretending to tuck itself in while secretly planning to raid the fridge at 2 a.m.
The Premise: When Toys Attack… But Nicely
By 1994, the puppets had officially gone soft. Once upon a time, these little wooden nightmares stalked tenants, carved faces off, and burned their way into VHS horror history. In Puppet Master 5, however, they’re basically Rick Myers’ emotional support animals. Instead of murdering, they’re helping their “Master” stop an evil demon named Sutekh, who looks like Skeletor’s unemployed cousin.
This is the problem: puppets work as horror villains because puppets are inherently terrifying. Their glassy eyes, their stiff little movements, their tendency to show up uninvited in attics—pure nightmare fuel. Turning them into heroes is like making Chucky a kindergarten teacher. It’s not scary. It’s not even camp. It’s just… sad.
Rick Myers: The Human Ambien
Our “hero,” Rick Myers, is back after surviving Puppet Master 4. Played with all the charisma of a tax form, Gordon Currie manages to look both confused and constipated in every scene. He’s accused of murder but immediately bailed out by Dr. Jennings, who apparently decided that babysitting deadly toys was worth the legal fees. Rick spends most of the movie either tapping at computers, whispering to ghostly André Toulon, or looking like he wandered in from a community theater production of WarGames.
There’s nothing heroic about this man. The puppets would’ve been better off aligning with a ham sandwich—it would’ve had more energy and arguably more presence.
Sutekh: The Demon Nobody Ordered
Let’s talk about our villain. Sutekh is supposed to be an ancient evil demon hellbent on world domination. Instead, he looks like he was rejected from Power Rangers for being “too rubbery.” His big plan? Chase Rick around a hotel like an unpaid bellhop, slap some people, and ultimately get zapped to death by a puppet with an interchangeable head.
The guy waits centuries to make his big return to Earth, only to be defeated by Decapitron, a puppet who looks like a rejected Transformers prototype powered by RadioShack batteries. Imagine building up cosmic dread and then being taken out by a glorified desk lamp.
Jennings: The Greediest Moron Alive
Ian Ogilvy plays Dr. Jennings, who’s basically the corporate stooge archetype turned up to eleven. He wants Toulon’s secret formula for reasons never fully explained beyond “science, money, blah blah blah.” He drags along three disposable thugs who might as well have worn T-shirts labeled Victim #1, Victim #2, Victim #3.
Jennings eventually tries to steal a puppet despite everyone warning him it’s a bad idea. Naturally, he gets a death scene so anticlimactic it makes tripping over a Lego look epic. The man is killed by an elevator shaft—because apparently even the puppets couldn’t be bothered to waste their time on him.
The Puppets: Wooden Warriors of Meh
By the fifth film, the puppets are less characters and more mascots. Blade, Pinhead, Jester, Six-Shooter, Torch—they all pop up, do their signature little moves, and scuttle off. None of them get meaningful kills. None of them are scary. They’re just there, like creepy extras in their own franchise.
Decapitron is the “new” puppet, a weird electric superhero puppet that shoots lightning out of his face. He’s supposed to be Toulon’s ultimate weapon, but he looks like a child’s science fair project that barely survived a rainstorm. Watching him save the day feels like being rescued by a malfunctioning toaster.
Pacing: 81 Minutes of Nothing
The runtime is 81 minutes, but it feels like 181. Half the movie is people wandering around the Bodega Bay Inn looking for things that aren’t there. The other half is Rick typing on computers like he’s hacking the Pentagon, except he’s really just opening AOL. Then there’s Toulon’s ghost, who appears only to give Rick pep talks that sound like rejected Hallmark cards: “The puppets are your friends now, Rick.” Thanks, André, very helpful.
By the time Sutekh finally fights the puppets, you’re begging for the credits just to put you out of your misery.
Special Effects: Dollar Store Hell
Let’s be fair: Full Moon Entertainment wasn’t exactly working with Spielberg’s budget. But even for 1994 direct-to-video standards, this movie looks cheap. Sutekh’s costume is floppy foam rubber, the stop-motion looks like it was animated by interns who overslept, and Decapitron’s lightning bolts could’ve been drawn with MS Paint.
At one point, Blade escapes from a police evidence locker by hiding in a purse. The scene isn’t menacing. It’s not suspenseful. It’s Blade hopping into someone’s handbag like a goth chihuahua.
“The Final Chapter” (Until It Wasn’t)
Of course, this wasn’t the end. In 1998, Curse of the Puppet Master arrived, proving that “final” is just another word for “we’ll see how VHS sales go.” The franchise has since spawned endless sequels, reboots, and spin-offs, because nothing truly dies in Hollywood—especially not murderous marionettes with marketable VHS covers.
Watching Puppet Master 5 today is like attending a retirement party for someone who shows up at work again the next Monday. It’s awkward, anticlimactic, and makes you wonder why you bothered showing up at all.
Final Thoughts: Pull the Strings, Already
Puppet Master 5 is less a movie and more a contractual obligation. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a shrug. The puppets aren’t scary. The hero is duller than dry toast. The villain is a rubbery clown. And the ending feels like the writers were racing the clock to get out of the office before lunch break.
If this was meant to be “The Final Chapter,” it’s a mercy killing that somehow didn’t stick. Instead, we got years of direct-to-video necromancy, dragging these poor puppets back into the spotlight long after they’d lost their edge.
