Oh, Flatliners (2017). A film that tries so hard to resurrect the 1990 version’s charm, but instead feels like it’s crawling out of the grave itself, only to stumble, fall, and faceplant into mediocrity. Let’s be real: Flatliners isn’t so much a supernatural thriller as it is an attempt to force-feed us a rehashed idea, mixed with way too much existential dread and an overdose of “Why am I watching this?” moments. And let’s not forget Elliot Page, who, let’s be honest, can only make this somewhat bearable by being the best thing in it (which, in this case, is like being the shiniest turd in a pile of, well, turds).
First things first: if you go into this film expecting the deep philosophical musings on the afterlife that the original Flatliners teased, well, spoiler alert—it’s not going to happen. Instead, you’ll be treated to a movie that thinks it’s making deep statements about life, death, and everything in between, but instead just ends up looking like a group of young adults trying to play “I-can-stare-into-your-soul” with the paranormal for an hour and a half. There’s more talking to your reflection in a mirror than actual suspense or terror in this movie, and frankly, that’s not a good thing. I mean, if that’s the scariest part of your film, you might as well start selling tickets to a haunted funhouse. At least the mirrors there might be cracked and have better acting than the ones in this film.
The Plot: An Existential Crisis Wrapped in a Numbing Premise
So, let’s break this down: a group of medical students who think that near-death experiences are the key to enlightenment. Okay, let me just say, the whole concept of “flatlining” as a metaphor for personal growth is…well, it’s a choice. But these characters are so emotionally deep and existentially conflicted, it’s like the script was written by someone who recently discovered The Matrix and decided that “What if we played God, but like, with dead people?” would make a cool premise. The problem here is that it never feels cool. It feels like an episode of a very bad teen drama that was directed by someone who missed the memo on what makes good horror.
Enter Courtney (Elliot Page), our protagonist, who’s clearly dealing with some unresolved emotional trauma. She has daddy issues, family baggage, and a really disturbing obsession with death. Ah, just your average “I’ll play God if I can get away with it” situation. She starts the whole “let’s flatline and see what happens” experiment by essentially trying to meet her sister’s ghost. Why? Because the afterlife is so much more interesting than, you know, dealing with your family’s messed-up past like a normal person. But hey, let’s get straight to the meat of it—Courtney flatlines, gets some sweet hallucinations (none of which make sense, by the way), and BAM—she starts summoning all sorts of people from her past who are angry enough to, you know, haunt her for a while. Classic horror setup, right? Or maybe it’s just classic “Hey, we couldn’t afford better special effects, so let’s use some fog and mirrors!” Either way, the results are less than supernatural.
The Characters: A Mixed Bag of Dysfunction and Disappointment
Then, we have Courtney’s friends—sigh. There’s Ray (Diego Luna), the brooding, emotionally conflicted friend who probably spent too much time listening to sad indie music in his teenage years. He’s the guy you root for… just not enough to care about what happens to him. There’s Sophia (Kiersey Clemons), the person who’s inexplicably drawn into the madness, though she’s clearly just there to provide some “what if?” existential crisis material. And Jamie (James Norton), who’s essentially a walking cliché of “I need to get over my ex, and, oh look, here’s a chance to flirt with my friends and completely avoid any real emotional depth!” It’s like a bad high school reunion but with flatlining as a fun activity. You’d think they were deep, but honestly, they’re just all incredibly shallow. At least when the characters in The Evil Dead start making bad decisions, it’s for a reason: survival. Here? It’s just because they were bored and needed something to do with their predictable lives.
And then, there’s the haunting of Courtney’s sister. You’d think that the ghosts would be the most chilling part of the film, but no. They just get the “mood lighting and sound effects” treatment. It’s not so much “haunting” as it is watching a bunch of bad CGI fog and shadows float around. Not spooky, not creepy, just sad—like the editing team ran out of time and money.
The Visuals: Fog and Mirrors, Literally
The film’s visuals attempt to capture the essence of a supernatural thriller, but they fall flat in ways you can’t even begin to describe. The “haunting” effects are so bad you might think you’re watching a parody. Fog rolls in, people stare into mirrors (is this The Evil Within or Flatliners?), and the camera angles constantly shift in ways that just scream “We’ve got the budget for two lighting rigs and a couple of fog machines.” It’s like the filmmakers took The Ring, removed the eerie atmosphere, and replaced it with… a bunch of reflective surfaces. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the “near-death experiences” which feel more like someone trying to recreate 2001: A Space Odyssey on a Walmart budget.
The Final Act: More Confusion Than Closure
And let’s not forget the ending. Oh boy. The finale is such a convoluted mess of we’re sorry for making you suffer and I know we left so many unanswered questions, but we’re just going to roll credits anyway. By the end, you’ll be less “shocked” and more “relieved that it’s over.” The characters’ fates are unclear, the ghosts are still lingering around like that one friend who overstays their welcome, and there’s no real catharsis. Honestly, it’s like the filmmakers couldn’t decide whether they wanted to wrap it up in a tidy little bow or leave you to die in a pit of confusion. Spoiler alert: you’ll probably feel both.
Conclusion: A Flatline of Disappointment
In conclusion, Flatliners (2017) takes a once-interesting premise and completely flattens it like a pancake left in the rain. If you’re into watching characters who make bad decisions in an even worse plotline with a dash of bad CGI and a heap of emotional confusion, then congratulations! This film is for you. It’s not scary, it’s not thoughtful, and it certainly doesn’t give you a good enough reason to “get back up” after it’s done with you. It’s just another reminder that sometimes, it’s better to let the past stay dead—like, really dead—especially if it means not having to endure this film again.
