Herschell Gordon Lewis, the self-proclaimed “Godfather of Gore,” once said he made movies the way a butcher sells sausages: fast, cheap, and full of questionable meat. Something Weird is proof of that philosophy—it’s a cinematic sausage stuffed with LSD trips, psychic face-swaps, a witch who catfishes men harder than Tinder, and a kung-fu government agent who apparently wandered in from a different movie entirely.
It’s called Something Weird—and for once, truth in advertising.
Plot: A Grab Bag of Nonsense
Cronin Mitchell, a man zapped in the face by high voltage, somehow gains psychic powers but also looks like the world’s angriest grilled cheese sandwich. A hag-witch offers to fix his face if he agrees to be her boy toy. He reluctantly says yes (because apparently no one told him “ugly hag” was not a legally binding clause in the deal).
But plot be damned—this movie isn’t really about anything. It’s just a loose jumble of exploitation gimmicks: ESP, ghosts in churches, LSD séances, a witch who morphs into a hot blonde, and a government agent who delivers karate chops like he’s auditioning for Enter the Dragon: The Bureaucratic Years.
And then, just to make sure you’re paying attention, the bedsheets attack a man. Yes. A man fights his way out of aggressive linens like it’s The Exorcist meets Bed Bath & Beyond.
The Witch: Tinder Profile vs. Reality
Our hag-turned-bombshell Ellen is basically the first catfisher in cinema. Everyone else sees her as a blonde knockout; Mitchell still sees her as the melted candle monster she really is. Which means that while the audience gets cheesecake shots of her strutting around in short skirts, Mitchell gets the dating equivalent of a Halloween prop from Woolworth’s. This isn’t romance—it’s Stockholm syndrome with lipstick.
LSD: Because Why Not?
At some point, the scriptwriter clearly thought, “This needs more hallucinogens.” So we get a subplot where the government insists Mitchell drop acid to solve crimes. Nothing says serious investigation like handing your psychic a tab of LSD and telling him, “Good luck, champ.” Predictably, his drug trip looks like the kind of “trippy” special effects your uncle could do with a flashlight and a lava lamp.
Performances: Pass the Bottle
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Tony McCabe (Mitchell): Manages to deliver every line like he’s auditioning for Community Theater Dracula.
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Elizabeth Lee (Ellen): Stuck playing both pin-up girl and nightmare swamp witch, proving once and for all that exploitation films hate women almost as much as they hate coherent scripts.
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William Brooker (Jordan): Our karate-chopping Fed. He’s supposed to be a serious investigator, but he looks like a man who missed his bus to an Elvis impersonator convention.
Why It’s Awful (and Hilariously So)
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The pacing feels like a drunk uncle telling a ghost story while trying to juggle three beers.
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The tone lurches from sleazy to silly to just plain stupid.
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The “scares” are about as effective as a haunted Jell-O mold.
Yet, somehow, you can’t look away. It’s exploitation cinema distilled: cheap thrills, cheaper production values, and the vague sense that everyone involved regrets their life choices.
Final Verdict
Something Weird is exactly what it says: weird, and not in the good way. It’s an incoherent fever dream of witches, LSD, karate, and psychic claptrap, stitched together with the elegance of duct tape on a broken toilet.
Final Thought: If you ever meet a hag who offers you youth, beauty, or power in exchange for eternal servitude, remember: it’s not worth it. Unless, of course, she also throws in an LSD starter kit and a free karate demo.
