If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if a mid-budget Catholic horror movie tried to cosplay as The Exorcist but ordered all its scares from the bargain bin, The Unholy has you covered. It’s the kind of film that opens with a witch burning and somehow still manages to feel like the blandest thing on screen is the fire.
On paper, it sounds decent: disgraced journalist, creepy miracles, small New England town, possible demonic Virgin Mary impersonator. In execution, it’s less “faith-shattering supernatural thriller” and more “Sunday school lesson with jump scares and CGI smoke.”
The Setup: Witchcraft, Kern Dolls, and Foreshadowing with a Sledgehammer
We start in 1845 with Mary Elnor being hanged and burned for witchcraft, her ashes shoved into a creepy little doll like the world’s least comforting Funko Pop. She’s accused of doing miracles for Satan, which seems like important information but is treated with all the subtlety of a neon sign that says: “THIS WILL BE RELEVANT LATER.”
Cut to present day. The doll is still hanging around, literally, at the same tree. Journalist Gerry Fenn (Jeffrey Dean Morgan) shows up to cover what he assumes is another hoax story and finds the doll, smashes it for reasons that amount to “I’m bored and the plot needs to start,” and accidentally unleashes Mary’s spirit. For a guy whose career imploded because he made things up, he’s awfully casual about committing property damage in cursed farmland.
Gerry Fenn: Professional Liar, Amateur Hero
Jeffrey Dean Morgan does his best with Gerry—a disgraced journalist reduced to chasing tabloid nonsense—but the script gives him about two emotional gears: smirking cynicism and sudden guilt. He’s supposed to arc from selfish hack to guy-who-sacrifices-his-career-for-the-truth, but it plays more like:
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“I can sell this story and make a comeback.”
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“Oops, Satan.”
The movie tries to give him a roguish charm, like a diet version of his Negan persona with all the interesting bits sanded off. Instead, he just feels like the only person on screen who vaguely suspects he’s in a bad horror movie and is considering leaving.
Alice: Miracle Girl, Plot Device
Alice Pagett, the deaf and mute teenager who suddenly starts speaking after encountering “Mary,” should be the emotional core of this story. Instead, she’s treated more like a supernatural Wi-Fi hotspot that the demon piggybacks on.
Cricket Brown actually does a decent job with what she’s given—her wide-eyed sincerity is one of the few believable things here—but the film uses her mostly to move the plot along: perform miracle, attract crowds, cry at the right time, threaten to doom everyone with accidental Satan worship. Emotional nuance? That’s not in this budget.
Miracles on Demand: Step Right Up, Folks
The “miracles” themselves are hilariously clinical. People show up with illnesses, Alice prays, cut to: they’re fine now. No tension, no build-up, no mystery—just “press X to heal.” It’s like watching a divine speedrun.
We get bleeding statues, cured ailments, and crowds chanting like they’re at a very reverent, very dull concert. It should feel eerie—are these acts of God or something else? But the movie is so eager to rush to the next scene that any potential awe or dread gets bulldozed. The only truly miraculous thing is how a horror film manages to make bleeding Virgin Mary imagery feel like a PowerPoint.
Church Bureaucracy: Now With Extra Exposition
Enter Monsignor Delgarde and Bishop Gyles, whose main job is to wander in and deliver exposition in serious tones while wearing big hats. Delgarde at least tries to be skeptical and helpful. Gyles, meanwhile, is exactly the kind of character who hears “this may be Satan” and says “yes, but think of the PR!”
Cary Elwes as Gyles seems to be acting in a different movie altogether—a slightly campy evil-church thriller where his accent and moral flexibility are the main attractions. Whenever he’s on screen, it feels like someone turned on a late-night cable drama over the actual storyline.
Mary Elnor: Demon, Witch, CGI Smoke Machine
And then there’s “Mary.” Not the Virgin, obviously, but Mary Elnor, the witch from the prologue now upgraded to full demon cosplay. She appears as a hooded, smoky, shrieking thing that looks like it escaped from a mid-2000s video game cutscene.
She’s supposed to be terrifying—a corrupted saint feeding off misplaced faith—but the terrible CGI robs her of any real menace. Every time she shows up, you can practically hear the rendering budget screaming. The design is all wispy edges and glowy eyes, the horror equivalent of “we’ll fix it in post,” except they didn’t.
For a movie called The Unholy, the unholiest thing might actually be the visual effects department’s schedule.
Horror, Now With Training Wheels
The scare tactics are as predictable as church bells on Sunday. Sudden loud noise! Flash of a face! A hand appears! Jump scare! The film never earns atmosphere; it just tries to batter you into flinching. It’s like being poked repeatedly by someone who thinks that counts as a massage.
There are flickers of decent ideas—Gerry seeing Mary’s true form in reflections, hints that belief itself might be weaponized—but they never develop into anything more interesting than “evil ghost lady wants souls.” James Herbert’s original novel has richer thematic material, but the movie boils it down to:
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Witch made a deal with Satan.
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Her descendant is the perfect vessel.
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People are gullible.
Groundbreaking.
The Climax: Mass Conversion, Mass Confusion
Everything builds to a big outdoor service where Alice is set to lead a global broadcast and invite everyone to pledge themselves to “Mary.” The stakes should feel huge—souls damned, faith corrupted, evil on the rise. Instead, it plays like a particularly intense church picnic with better pyrotechnics.
Gerry crashes the party by confessing that the miracles were hoaxes, hoping to break Mary’s hold by crushing everyone’s faith. It’s actually a clever idea on paper—using his reputation for lying to save people—but the film rushes through it so fast it barely registers.
Then the tree bursts into flames, Mary stomps out like a demonic protestor against fire safety, kills Bishop Gyles, and goes after Gerry. Alice sacrifices herself to stop Mary, dies, and then is resurrected by… God? Love? The screenwriter’s deadline? Hard to say. All the people she had previously cured instantly lose their miracles, which is dark in concept but treated more like a background patch note.
“Thanks for playing, your heal is now on cooldown.”
Faith, But Make It Shallow
For a story steeped in Catholic imagery and questions about miracles, faith, and exploitation, The Unholy never digs deeper than surface-level. It flirts with interesting territory—corrupt institutions hiding uncomfortable truths, the danger of blind belief, the tension between skepticism and hope—but always backs away into safer, simpler territory:
Evil witch bad. Good girl pure. Fallen man redeemed. Roll credits.
There’s no real challenge to the viewer’s beliefs, no haunting ambiguity, just a demon-kill switch and a slightly bruised priesthood. It’s less The Exorcist and more “religious thriller for people who think horror should feel like a faith-based movie with occasional jump scares.”
Final Verdict: Definitely Unholy, Barely Scary
In the end, The Unholy is the cinematic equivalent of a chain email warning you that if you don’t forward it, a ghost nun will haunt your inbox. It’s technically functional, occasionally entertaining, but built on clichés, thin characterization, and special effects that really should have stayed in 2010.
Jeffrey Dean Morgan deserved a sharper script. The cast, the premise, and the source material all had potential. But instead of a truly unsettling exploration of false miracles and corrupted faith, we got “Diet Demonic Drama,” now with bonus CGI fog.
If you’re desperate for a light horror watch on a rainy afternoon, sure, put it on and let it wash over you like holy water that expired in 1998. Just don’t expect revelation. The only miracle here is that it made three times its budget.
