If Jack’s Back were a cocktail, it would be one part murder mystery, one part psychological thriller, and one part soap opera stirred gently with a VHS tape. Released in 1988 and directed by Rowdy Herrington (yes, the guy who would soon gift the world Road House), this Ripper-inspired flick is equal parts intriguing and … Read More “Jack’s Back (1988): Half Jack the Ripper, Half Soap Opera, All Late-80s Weirdness” »
There are movies that grip you by the collar and drag you into the action. Then there’s Malone—a film that politely knocks on the door of your attention span, trips over the welcome mat, and collapses on the porch with a sigh. If you’ve ever wanted to watch Burt Reynolds do a slow-motion walking midlife … Read More “Malone (1987): Burt Reynolds in Flannel—The Action Thriller Equivalent of Cold Oatmeal” »
Ah, the ’80s. A time when everyone thought day-glo was a lifestyle, Aqua Net was a personality trait, and plot was something only old people worried about. Enter Modern Girls, a movie that wants desperately to be After Hours with lipstick but ends up feeling more like Saved by the Bell: The Clubbing Years—minus the … Read More “Modern Girls (1986): A Neon-Colored Cry for Help in Lipstick and Shoulder Pads” »
There’s nothing quite like a war zone to make a man reflect on life’s big questions—like how many beers he can chug before a mortar lands in his lap. Welcome to Salvador, Oliver Stone’s 1986 semi-biographical war drama where idealism, cynicism, and full-blown political chaos all share the screen—and somehow, James Woods manages to scream … Read More “Salvador (1986): Journalism, Gunfire, and James Woods Being James Woods” »
Somewhere deep in the snowy recesses of Canada—where fights break out faster than you can say “icing”—Youngbloodwas born. Not out of some great artistic vision, but probably because some studio exec figured, “Hey, teens love hockey, right? And we’ve got this Lowe kid who’s kinda popular. Toss him in a jersey, throw some punches, and … Read More “Youngblood (1986): When Hockey Meets Hormones and Brain Cells Go Missing” »
Some horror movies are so bad, they become cult classics. Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain is not one of those movies. This thing isn’t a cult classic—it’s a cinematic hazing ritual. A 78-minute exercise in audience punishment dressed up as Celtic mythology and topless American Pie nostalgia. It’s the kind of film you show … Read More “Evil Breed: The Legend of Samhain (2003) – A Horror Film So Bad, Even the Cannibals Want a Refund” »
If you’ve ever wondered what would happen if someone tried to make a softcore morality tale with all the nuance of a sledgehammer and the sex appeal of a church pamphlet, American Virgin (1999) is your answer. Spoiler alert: it ain’t pretty. It’s the kind of film that makes you want to take a vow … Read More “American Virgin (1999) Review: A Clumsy, Tone-Deaf Romp That’s More Abstinent Than Entertaining” »
In 1998, someone had the bright idea to remake Carnival of Souls, the 1962 cult horror classic that was unsettling, eerie, and atmospheric on a shoestring budget. What we got instead was a hot mess of MTV-era editing, soap opera acting, and plot holes big enough to drive a haunted clown car through. But hey—Bobbi … Read More “Carnival of Souls (1998) Review: Step Right Up to the Carnival of Confusion, Clichés, and Cleavage” »
There are bad movies. There are so bad they’re good movies. And then there’s Showgirls, which doesn’t even deserve the dignity of a category. It’s a cinematic faceplant in stilettos, a neon-lit fever dream where subtlety goes to die and satire is mistaken for softcore. Directed by Paul Verhoeven—who once gave us the genius of … Read More “Showgirls (1995) — A Glitter-Soaked Trainwreck in Heels” »
Let’s get something straight: if you name your movie Lion Strike, you’re making a promise. A promise of danger. Of fury. Of unstoppable, claw-swinging action. You’re invoking the king of the jungle mid-sucker punch. What you are notsupposed to deliver is a made-for-video yawn-fest starring Don “The Dragon” Wilson, plodding through yet another generic martial … Read More “Lion Strike (1994) Review: More Like Housecat Nap” »
