If there’s one thing Empire of the Ants proves, it’s that H.G. Wells probably spun in his grave so hard in 1977 that he bored a tunnel straight to Australia. Loosely—so loosely it’s basically falling off the hanger—based on Wells’ short story, Bert I. Gordon’s mutant-ant fiasco plays like a cheap creature feature that somehow manages to make giant killer insects boring.
The Premise: Ants, Radioactive Goo, and Real Estate Fraud
The film starts with a narrated science lesson about ants and pheromones, which feels like padding until you realize it’s supposed to set up the entire plot. Then, barrels of radioactive waste get dumped off a boat, because in the 1970s cinematic universe, that was the number one cause of all things monstrous. One of the barrels washes ashore and leaks into the sand, where ants writhe around in silver goo like they’re auditioning for a low-budget Nickelodeon slime show.
Enter Joan Collins as Marilyn Fryser, a land developer with the morals of a loan shark and the charm of a hangnail. She ferries a group of prospective buyers out to see her scam property, only for the giant ants to crash the tour like uninvited wedding guests with a taste for human flesh. Cue destruction of their boat, aimless running through the woods, and a rising body count.
The Ant Effects: Not So Much “Empire,” More Like “Local Council”
The special effects are vintage Bert I. Gordon, meaning they’re equal parts earnest and embarrassing. Real ants, shot against miniature sets, are matted into live-action footage so poorly that you half expect them to wander off-screen and into someone’s picnic. The “giant” scale never looks convincing, but the movie is so confident in its trick photography that it keeps showing them from the same angle—over and over—like if they just keep doing it, we’ll believe it.
And when the ants “attack,” it’s mostly actors flailing at nothing, occasionally swatting a rubber ant leg shoved into frame. You start to wonder if the real danger is not from the insects, but from the embarrassment of being caught in this movie.
The Plot Twist: Small-Town Ant Brainwashing
Just when you think the film can’t get any sillier, it swerves into Invasion of the Body Snatchers territory. Our survivors stumble into a small town where everyone seems a little… off. Turns out the queen ant is using pheromones to control the townsfolk, forcing them to harvest sugar for her colony. It’s never clear why she needs that much sugar—maybe she’s planning the world’s largest cotton candy?—but the sight of hypnotized locals dutifully working for their insect overlords is one of the movie’s unintentional highlights.
The Climax: Death to the Queen
Robert Lansing, playing boat captain Dan Stokely with all the enthusiasm of a man stuck in traffic, eventually kills the queen ant. How? Fire, of course. In the 1970s, fire was the Swiss Army knife of monster killing. With the queen dead, the survivors escape by speedboat, riding off into a sunset that probably smelled like burning plastic from the special effects.
Performances: Joan Collins vs. the Ants
Joan Collins treats the whole affair like she’s rehearsing for a Dynasty episode where the villain is a beekeeper. She’s arch, she’s fabulous, and she’s not for one second pretending this is Shakespeare. The rest of the cast oscillates between stoic resignation and deer-in-headlights panic, but none of them manage to chew the scenery harder than the ants (and the ants don’t even have teeth).
Final Verdict: Radioactive Cheese
Empire of the Ants isn’t scary, it isn’t thrilling, and unless you’re a connoisseur of bad special effects, it’s not even all that fun. The pacing is slow, the “horror” is undermined by laughable visuals, and the plot feels stitched together from three different B-movies that were left to marinate in a vat of corn syrup.
Still, there’s a certain kitsch appeal in watching Joan Collins match wits with insects the size of golf carts. It’s the kind of movie you watch with friends, cheap beer, and a running commentary of sarcastic remarks. Alone, though? You might find yourself rooting for the ants just to end it faster.
