Ah, Ghost Stories – a film that had all the ingredients to be a spooky, spine-tingling, supernatural thrill ride but instead turned out to be like a ghost – dead on arrival. Don’t get me wrong, I love me a good anthology horror film. The promise of creepy ghost stories, mysterious figures, and sinister apparitions is enough to give anyone a thrill. But this? This film feels more like a dreary sleep study for the emotionally constipated. And trust me, if ghosts were real, they’d probably come back just to haunt the creators of this overly drawn-out snoozefest.
The Set-Up: An Honest Ghosthunter Turns to… One Too Many Boring Ghosts
The film follows Philip Goodman, a famous professor and television presenter known for debunking paranormal claims. He’s the guy who shows up in your life, swoops in with his skeptical cape, and throws cold water on anything remotely spooky. The man is the type of person who’d probably tell you your Halloween costume is too scary and that you should tone it down with a “That’s not how science works!” expression on his face. No surprise then that when he’s invited to meet a famed paranormal investigator, Charles Cameron, his whole life flips upside down as he begins investigating three mysterious ghostly occurrences.
So, it’s set up to be this deep, thought-provoking horror film about a guy who prides himself on exposing paranormal hoaxes, only to end up face-to-face with the unexplainable. It’s a classic premise that could have been creepy if only the filmmakers hadn’t drowned it in an ocean of missed opportunities. But hey, if you wanted the emotional equivalent of an elevator ride that never reaches the top floor, Ghost Stories delivers just that.
The Ghosts: Not Exactly Haunting, More Like Boring Roommates
The first “ghostly” encounter involves a man named Tony Matthews, a security guard who’s haunted by the spirit of a young girl while working in an abandoned asylum. The buildup is so painfully slow that you’d think they were giving the audience time to bond with the ghost. But instead, it feels like a first date with no chemistry. We hear about his family problems, and yes, he does feel guilty about his wife dying from cancer. But all of this is leading to… nothing remotely terrifying. This is supposed to be a ghost story, but all we get is “oh, I’m haunted, I have baggage, please feel something for me.” Spoiler: We don’t.
The second story follows Simon Rifkind, a teenager obsessed with the occult. The big twist here is that he experiences a supernatural encounter after hitting something in the woods (classic horror setup: car breaks down, ghostly figure, blah blah). But again, the pacing is so slow it feels more like Simon is just fumbling around the forest for half an hour while we’re stuck here watching him navigate one poorly lit scene after another. By the time the supernatural elements actually come into play, you’re too tired to be scared. You’re just waiting for the end credits to roll so you can take a nap.
And then, of course, there’s the third ghost story involving Mike Priddle, a man who’s being haunted by the ghost of his wife. The twist? Well, spoiler alert: this is where the whole “it was all a big scam” plot really starts to fall apart like a cheap haunted house attraction. The whole story becomes a bit too convoluted and, frankly, unnecessary. Sure, the idea of haunting is there, but the emotional payoff is nowhere in sight. Instead of feeling scared or even moved, you’re just counting the minutes until the next long-winded monologue on “the nature of the soul.”
The Film’s Final Reveal: A Masterclass in Lethargy
Now let’s talk about the “big twist” of the movie. The entire time, we’ve been following Goodman as he digs into these cases, trying to get to the bottom of it. We think, “Aha! This is where the tension is going to explode, and we’re going to get some mind-bending horror!” Well, no. What we get instead is the equivalent of a flat tire after a cross-country road trip. The twist here is supposed to be about Goodman’s own personal demons and guilt, but it’s so predictable that you see it coming from a mile away. It’s not even the satisfying “I knew it!” kind of predictable. It’s more like “Yeah, that’s exactly what I expected.”
The conclusion doesn’t even provide that “aha!” moment of terror. Instead, it’s like one big sigh of “That’s it?” If you’re looking for a film that has all the tension of a soggy sock, this one’s for you.
The Performances: Good Actors, Lousy Material
Now, I have to give credit where credit is due: the cast is actually full of talented actors. You’ve got Martin Freeman, Andy Nyman, and Paul Whitehouse — names you would recognize from various successful projects. They’ve all got the chops to pull off something great… and yet, here we are, with them delivering lines like they’re being slowly submerged in a vat of blandness.
Let’s start with Nyman, who plays Goodman. He’s supposed to be the man uncovering the truth, yet he comes off more like a guy who’s about to fall asleep during an online webinar. There’s no urgency, no thrill, just a tired guy reading ghost story prompts while checking his watch every five minutes. It’s as though he got the memo about playing a “haunted” character but didn’t bother to read the script.
Then there’s Martin Freeman, who is essentially the star of the show. As the grizzled paranormal investigator, he plays the role with a stiff upper lip and the energy of someone who’s been told that the “twist” is what matters, not actually scaring anyone. Freeman’s performance is so lackluster that it almost feels like they forgot to edit in the actual spine-tingling bits of the story. His character, Charles Cameron, is supposed to give us answers, but all he gives is the impression that he’s been wandering through a haunted house in slow motion for years.
Conclusion: The Ghost That Should’ve Stayed in the Grave
Ultimately, Ghost Stories tries to do a lot of things—play on your fears of guilt, create an anthology that’s both spooky and emotional, and maybe give you some answers about the afterlife. But what it actually does is deliver a limp, forgettable movie that forgets to give the audience any true horror. It’s like a ghost that shows up, says “boo,” and then promptly takes a nap in the corner.
So, if you’re looking for a horror movie that will make you stay up all night with the lights on, Ghost Stories is not the one. If you’re looking for a movie to gently lull you to sleep while you wonder why you decided to watch it, well, then you’ve found your match. It’s about as scary as a puff of air on your neck.
