The Night Belongs to the Awkwardly Undead If Twilight was your idea of a vampire story, then Midnight Son is the hangover cure. Scott Leberecht’s 2011 indie horror gem takes the vampire myth, dunks it in Los Angeles grime, and wrings out something so human it almost feels like an accidental masterpiece — if that … Read More ““Midnight Son” (2011) — A Bloodsucker With a Beating Heart” »
Welcome to Madison County: Population… Poor Decisions Madison County is one of those horror movies that thinks “rural” automatically means “terrifying.” Unfortunately, it’s about as scary as a Cracker Barrel at lunchtime. Directed by Eric England and co-written by James Cotten, Agung Bagus, and England himself, this 2011 hillbilly-slasher film tries to join the proud … Read More ““Madison County” (2011) — When Deliverance Met a Community College Film Class” »
Echoes of Regret… and Boredom There’s a special kind of film that manages to make you question both the nature of time and your own life choices. Donovan’s Echo isn’t so much a supernatural suspense thriller as it is a cinematic nap with a faint whisper of science. Directed by Jim Cliffe, this 2011 Canadian … Read More ““Donovan’s Echo” (2011) — The Sound of One Plot Point Dying” »
Welcome to Mortlake: Population—Idiocy and Gore There are bad trips to the countryside, and then there’s Inbred — a cinematic visit so grotesque, so gleefully idiotic, you’ll wish you’d brought a flamethrower instead of popcorn. Directed by Alex Chandon and co-written with Paul Shrimpton, this 2011 British horror-comedy doesn’t just scrape the bottom of the … Read More ““Inbred” (2011) — Yorkshire Chainsaw Massacre Meets the Village Idiot Convention” »
Eight Legs, Zero Logic There are bad Syfy movies — and then there’s Arachnoquake, a film so catastrophically stupid it makes Sharknado look like Citizen Kane. Directed by Griff Furst (who apparently directed this while sleepwalking), this 2012 made-for-TV disaster is about giant albino fire-breathing spiders attacking New Orleans after an earthquake caused by fracking. … Read More “Arachnoquake (2012): Webs, Wigs, and WTF” »
Welcome to Apartment 143 — Please Leave Immediately There are haunted houses, haunted dolls, haunted camcorders — and then there’s Apartment 143, a movie so determined to prove ghosts exist that it forgets to be remotely interesting. Directed by Carles Torrens and written by Rodrigo Cortés (Buried), this Spanish-produced horror film takes the “found footage” … Read More “Apartment 143 (2012): Found Footage Found Nothing” »
A Bloody Good Business Plan If med school debt and misogyny had a baby, it would grow up to become American Mary. Directed by the twistedly brilliant Soska Sisters (Jen and Sylvia, horror’s answer to the Coen Brothers if the Coens really, really loved latex gloves), this Canadian cult horror isn’t just a film — … Read More “American Mary (2012): Surgery, Sin, and the Sexiest Autopsy You’ll Ever See” »
Fasten Your Seatbelts — for Disappointment Airborne begins with a mysterious voiceover by Mark Hamill, referencing something called “The Firelight Protocol,” which sounds important until you realize it never actually matters. That’s your first red flag. The second is that the entire film takes place on an airplane, but somehow still manages to go absolutely … Read More “Airborne (2012): Snakes on a Plane, but with a Death God and No Sense of Direction” »
Mine Your Own Business If there’s one universal truth about horror movies, it’s this: never go exploring on Halloween. Especially not into a mine that’s been “abandoned for a hundred years after a family was murdered.” If that sentence alone doesn’t make you want to turn around and go home, congratulations — you’re qualified to … Read More “Abandoned Mine (2012): A Deep Descent into Mediocrity” »
The Asylum Delivers… Something. The Asylum, the legendary studio responsible for cinematic crimes such as Sharknado, Transmorphers, and Snakes on a Train, decided in 2012 to birth a new atrocity into the world — literally. 12/12/12, directed by Jared Cohn, is a film that dares to ask the question: “What if The Omen was remade … Read More “12/12/12 (2012): When the Devil’s Baby Deserves a Refund” »