Welcome to Reform School Girls, where the bras are bulletproof, the guards are sadistic dominatrixes, and every girl in juvie looks like she got lost on the way to a Poison concert. It’s not just a movie—it’s an 80-minute mugshot of Reagan-era trash cinema that tries so hard to be edgy, it cuts itself on the VHS tape.
And yes, it’s technically a women in prison film. But if you came for gritty realism, you’re about four shower scenes too early. This is sleaze, pure and simple—but not even the fun kind. It’s the kind of sleaze that leaves you needing a tetanus shot and a cold shower… just to rinse off the shame.
Plot? Oh Honey, No.
The story follows Jenny, played by Linda Carol (who delivers every line like she’s reading it phonetically), as she gets sent to a reform school that’s less about reform and more about softcore abuse and fire hazards. She meets a cast of misfits with names like Lisa, Donna, and “Edna,” which, frankly, sounds more like your mom’s bridge club than a bunch of violent delinquents.
The school is run by Warden Sutter, played by the always-overacting Sybil Danning, who struts around in leather like a BDSM-themed crossing guard. The guards are cruel, the girls are crueler, and the script is downright criminal.
The Performances: Acting with a Sledgehammer
You know how some actors chew scenery? These people deep-throat the drywall.
Sybil Danning, bless her spiked shoulder pads, tries to channel Nurse Ratched meets Pat Benatar and ends up delivering every line like she’s trying to seduce a fax machine. Her performance is so aggressively over-the-top it could be seen from orbit. At one point, she throws a girl into solitary confinement and looks genuinely turned on by it. Honestly, it’s the most honest moment in the film.
Pat Ast, as the guard Edna, somehow makes Nurse Diesel from High Anxiety seem subtle. She’s got the energy of a bulldozer fueled by unfiltered Pall Malls and leftover ham.
Linda Carol? Let’s just say if blinking was an acting choice, she’s a genius. Otherwise, she delivers all the emotional weight of a shampoo commercial.
The Girls: Hairspray, Heels, and Hysteria
The inmates of this reform school wear more makeup than a drag show in a thunderstorm. Apparently, even in state custody, you can keep your hoop earrings and teased bangs. There are catfights, bunk-bed beatdowns, and musical montages of misunderstood girls screaming at walls.
And let’s talk about the wardrobe. These girls are supposed to be locked up and reformed—but their outfits suggest a backstage pass to a W.A.S.P. concert. Their bras are worn like fashion statements, their shirts never fully buttoned, and at least one girl seems to be wearing a belt as a skirt.
The Dialogue: Written by a Bored 13-Year-Old Boy
Sample line:
“You mess with me, I’ll shave your head and feed it to the rats.”
This isn’t dialogue—it’s Mad Libs for the emotionally constipated. Every scene is filled with tough talk that sounds like it came from a third-rate Maxim article titled “What Bad Girls Say in Prison.”
Also, there’s a food fight. Because nothing screams institutional brutality like mashed potatoes in the face and a rubber tray to the ribs.
Sex and Violence, But Make It Uncomfortable
The movie tries to titillate with half-nude girls in the shower, bare breasts under flickering fluorescent lights, and the occasional guard getting handsy. But there’s no actual sexiness—just exploitation filmed with all the eroticism of a colonoscopy.
And the violence? Cartoonish. At one point, a girl gets lit on fire during a “bad girl riot” that looks like it was choreographed by mall cops. The ending is a gloriously stupid finale of fire, rebellion, and bad line deliveries shouted through a plume of hairspray smoke.
Music: Wendy O. Williams Screaming into the Void
The film’s soundtrack is mostly provided by Wendy O. Williams of the Plasmatics, whose screeching vocals try to inject punk rebellion into scenes that look like a Sears catalog set in hell. It’s loud, abrasive, and somehow both too much and not enough.
They play her song “It’s My Life” over a prison riot, which is honestly perfect. Nothing says autonomy and empowerment like setting your mattress on fire while your eyebrows melt.
Final Verdict: Lock It Up and Throw Away the Tape
Reform School Girls is not a good film. It’s not even a good bad film. It’s what happens when sleaze gets lazy. It doesn’t care about logic, acting, or consistency. It cares about jiggling flesh, screaming girls, and letting Sybil Danning monologue in leather.
There’s some so-bad-it’s-kinda-funny charm to be had, but even that wears thin fast. You’re left with a movie that tries to shock but only manages to bore—like a stripper who starts crying mid-dance. You came for the fun, but now you just want to get out of the building.
Rating: 3 out of 10 Brazen Breakouts
Only watch this if you’re doing a triple feature with Chained Heat and Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama and you’ve run out of alcohol. Otherwise? You’ve been warned.
