There are bad horror movies, there are really bad horror movies, and then there’s April Fools (2007), a film so sloppy, so unintentionally comedic, and so allergic to suspense that you almost have to respect its dedication to failure. This movie is proof that not every holiday needs its own slasher flick. Christmas, sure. Halloween, … Read More “April Fools (2007): The Joke’s on Us” »
Somewhere between Anne Rice’s brooding bloodsuckers and Twilight’s glittering vegetarian prom dates, vampires forgot how to be scary. They went from gothic nightmares to the undead equivalent of Hot Topic regulars. And then, in 2007, along came 30 Days of Night—a movie that looked at all that moody, romantic vampire nonsense, spat in its face, … Read More “30 Days of Night — When Vampires Finally Got Their Fangs Back” »
There are bad movies, and then there are movies that look like they were literally written in the devil’s diary itself—only instead of summoning chaos, brimstone, and eternal damnation, the book coughed up a Canadian made-for-TV horror film that feels like a half-baked Goosebumps episode stretched out by teenagers whining about popularity. Welcome to Devil’s … Read More “Devil’s Diary (2007): Dear Satan, Please Take This Script Back” »
Quentin Tarantino is many things: a pop-culture cannibal, a foot enthusiast, a jukebox masquerading as a man. What he is not, apparently, is someone who knows when to hit the brakes on his own dialogue. Death Proof (2007) is his love letter to grindhouse sleaze—except it feels less like a love letter and more like … Read More “Death Proof (2007): Tarantino’s Crash-Test Dummy of a Movie” »
Every once in a while, a movie comes along that redefines cinema. D-War (or Dragon Wars in the U.S.) is not that movie. Instead, it redefines endurance—specifically, how much plotless dragon nonsense an audience can withstand before fleeing the theater to go stare at a blank wall for relief. Directed by Shim Hyung-rae and featuring … Read More “D-War (2007): When Dragons Attack… Your Patience” »
Every once in a while, a horror movie arrives that feels less like a slick studio cash grab and more like a ghost story whispered around a campfire—where you’re not sure if you’re supposed to scream, laugh, or nervously check if your kids are still alive in the other room. Bernadine Santistevan’s The Cry (La … Read More “The Cry (2007)” »
Ah, Captivity—a film so bad it makes Hostel Part II look like Citizen Kane. Directed by Roland Joffé (yes, the Oscar-nominated director of The Killing Fields—proof that karma has a wicked sense of humor) and written by Larry Cohen (who once gave us It’s Alive and clearly spent his later career writing things that should … Read More “Captivity (2007): Torture Porn Without the Porn—or the Horror” »
Some horror comedies lean into the gore. Others lean into the laughs. And then there’s Botched (2007), which leans into a broken elevator shaft and never quite crawls out. Directed by Kit Ryan and starring Stephen Dorff (who spends most of the runtime looking like he’s still angry at having to star in anything other … Read More “Botched (2007): A Comedy-Horror That’s Mostly Just Botched” »
There are bad movies, and then there are movies so misguided that they feel like a social experiment. Blood & Chocolate(2007) is one of those. Directed by Katja von Garnier, written by Ehren Kruger and Christopher Landon, and very loosely inspired by Annette Curtis Klause’s YA novel, this transatlantic “fantasy-horror-romance” tries to blend Gothic werewolf … Read More “Blood & Chocolate (2007): A Werewolf Movie That Forgot the Werewolves” »
Every now and then, a movie comes along that makes you rethink your life choices. AVH: Alien vs. Hunter isn’t one of those movies. It’s the kind of cinematic catastrophe that doesn’t inspire reflection—it inspires rage, despair, and an overwhelming urge to sue The Asylum for emotional damages. This 2007 “mockbuster” was supposed to ride … Read More “AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (2007) – Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate The Asylum” »