Alright, let’s dig up this corpse of a TV sequel and see what kind of rotting meat falls out: Trilogy of Terror II (1996). It’s the kind of made-for-TV horror that proves the scariest thing about the ‘90s wasn’t Y2K, but that networks kept letting Dan Curtis recycle his ideas. The original Trilogy of Terror … Read More “Trilogy of Terror II (1996)” »
Ah, Thinner (1996). The Stephen King movie where the scariest monster isn’t the gypsy curse, but the fatsuit budget. Directed by Tom Holland (the guy who gave us Child’s Play and apparently wanted to follow it with “Pie: The Movie”), it’s a body horror flick where the “body” is Robert John Burke, and the “horror” … Read More “Thinner (1996)” »
Some movies are misunderstood. Some are underappreciated. And then there’s Szamanka, a movie that’s less misunderstood than it is misdiagnosed, like a fever dream brought on by expired mushrooms and late-night channel surfing. Directed by Andrzej Żuławski, this is the film that asked the eternal question: what if we combined anthropology, feminism, voodoo gossip, and … Read More “Szamanka (1996): The Brain-Eating Love Story Nobody Asked For” »
Dario Argento once stood atop the cinematic mountaintop, screaming with black-gloved hands and buckets of Technicolor blood: the undisputed maestro of Italian horror. By 1996, though, his scream had devolved into a wheeze, and his new toy was a medical disorder that most people hadn’t heard of until they saw it written on a VHS … Read More “The Stendhal Syndrome (1996)” »
Alright, let’s tear into this moldy fruitcake of supernatural cinema: Spectre (1996), also known by its other dollar-bin titles House of the Damned and Escape to Nowhere. Three titles for one movie, which is fitting because it doesn’t know what it wants to be. Haunted house story? Family drama? Irish travelogue about why you should … Read More “Spectre (1996)” »
Ah yes, Sometimes They Come Back… Again (1996). A title so redundant it sounds like the franchise itself is apologizing. If the first movie was an unnecessary adaptation of a lesser Stephen King short story, this straight-to-video sequel is the cinematic equivalent of reheated leftovers that were bad even the first time. Directed by Adam … Read More “Sometimes They Come Back… Again (1996)” »
By the mid-1990s, the horror genre had flatlined. Slashers were buried under direct-to-video sequels with more Roman numerals than victims, Freddy Krueger had become a stand-up comedian in a Christmas sweater, and Jason Voorhees was reduced to space tourism. Horror had become the cinematic equivalent of warm milk—until Wes Craven came back with a knife … Read More “Scream (1996): The Slasher That Stabbed the ’90s Awake” »
Somewhere in the fiery depths of cinematic hell, even Satan himself is shaking his horned head, muttering: “Not my best work.” That’s the vibe of Satan Returns, a 1996 Hong Kong horror-action mishmash directed by Lam Wai-lun and starring Donnie Yen, Chingmy Yau, Francis Ng, and a script that feels like it was scrawled on … Read More “Satan Returns (1996)” »
Alright, let’s roast this cinematic lump of coal — Santa Claws (1996) — the John A. Russo–directed “slasher” that somehow manages to make both Christmas and horror boring. This is the film that makes you wish Krampus would just drag everyone involved straight to the underworld and save us 90 minutes of wasted life. Strap … Read More “Santa Claws (1996)” »
Ah, Pinocchio’s Revenge (1996). Or as it should have been titled: When Your Kid Needs Therapy, But You Bring Home a Murder Puppet Instead. Written and directed by Kevin S. Tenney—yes, the guy behind Night of the Demons—this film tried to cash in on the killer-doll craze while also pretending it was a serious psychological … Read More “Pinocchio’s Revenge (1996) When Your Kid Needs Therapy, But You Bring Home a Murder Puppet Instead.” »