Science fiction horror can be unsettling, cerebral, and imaginative. Xtro is… well, it’s a 1983 British science fiction horror film, and that’s about the kindest thing anyone has ever said about it. Directed by Harry Bromley Davenport, Xtro is the cinematic equivalent of an alien abduction itself—you black out, endure something traumatic, and afterward you’re not quite the same. Only in this case, instead of probing, you’re subjected to 83 minutes of incomprehensible nonsense, rubber monsters, and one of the most disturbing birth scenes ever captured on film.
A Plot That Escaped From The Lab
The premise sounds straightforward enough: Sam Phillips is abducted by aliens in a bright light while playing with his son Tony. Three years later, he returns home. Except he doesn’t just stroll back into London like a normal deadbeat dad. Instead, he’s reborn from a woman who is violently impregnated and gives birth to a full-grown man in what may be the most revolting childbirth scene ever filmed. Somewhere, David Cronenberg was watching this and muttering, “Alright lads, maybe tone it down.”
Sam rejoins his family, which now includes his wife Rachel, her American boyfriend Joe, and their French au pair Analise. This love triangle should fuel some domestic drama, but Xtro isn’t interested in realism. Instead, Sam’s son Tony starts developing alien powers that let him bring toys to life. If that sounds whimsical, imagine a human-sized toy soldier gunning down a neighbor, or a clown stuffing the nanny’s unconscious body with alien eggs. E.T., this ain’t.
Special Effects: Brilliant Garbage
Let’s give credit where it’s due: the special effects are impressive, at least in a “what the hell am I watching?” way. The monster births, the transformations, the alien prosthetics—all executed with a mix of creativity and sheer spite for the audience’s stomach.
The infamous rebirth scene, where Sam is squeezed out of a woman’s torso like toothpaste, is grotesque enough to make you put down your popcorn and possibly question the existence of God. The creature effects themselves look like they were designed by someone who was told, “Make it look alien” but misheard, “Make it look like a rubber nightmare that smells faintly of petrol.”
You’ll cringe. You’ll gag. You’ll maybe applaud the makeup team, but only in the same way you admire a car crash for managing to stay in one piece.
Acting: Everyone Is Held Hostage
The cast does their best, but let’s be honest—it’s impossible to act naturally in a film where your scene partner is either a toy clown, a giant egg, or a man covered in KY jelly.
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Philip Sayer as Sam deserves some sympathy; he spends much of the movie looking confused, which is probably just method acting given the script.
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Bernice Stegers as Rachel is stuck playing the perpetually distraught wife, her facial expressions alternating between “mild concern” and “why did I agree to this project?”
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Danny Brainin as Joe, the American boyfriend, mostly yells and storms around like he’s auditioning for a soap opera.
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Maryam d’Abo (yes, the future Bond girl from The Living Daylights) spends her time being menaced by toys and eventually impregnated with alien eggs. No one in Xtro comes out of this film looking like a winner, least of all their agents.
The only actor who seems to be enjoying himself is the clown, and he doesn’t even have lines.
The Toy Story From Hell
Let’s pause on the toys for a moment. This is Tony’s “gift” from his alien dad: the ability to make his playthings come alive. In another film, that might have been charming. Here, it’s just nightmare fuel.
The life-sized toy soldier looks like a knockoff G.I. Joe that wandered onto the wrong set, and his execution of a neighbor is shot with all the finesse of a high school play. The clown is worse—a grinning monstrosity who shoves eggs inside Analise like he’s prepping her for Easter Sunday. And then there’s the toy tank, which attacks her boyfriend Michael, before he’s mauled by a random panther. A panther! Why is there a panther? Don’t ask questions. Xtro doesn’t explain.
Pacing: A Crawl Through Alien Slime
At 83 minutes, Xtro should be mercifully short. Instead, it feels like a slow, sticky eternity. Scenes drag on forever, filled with awkward silences, cheap jump scares, and long stretches of nothing. It’s as if the director was so proud of the effects that he forgot movies also require pacing, story, and logic.
By the time Sam and Tony are trudging up a hill toward the alien light in the finale, you’re not invested in the outcome. You’re just praying it means the credits are about to roll.
Endings: Because One Wasn’t Bad Enough
The theatrical ending is bizarre: Sam turns into an alien, screams Joe to death, and disappears into the light with Tony, leaving Rachel behind. Rachel, now pregnant with Sam’s alien baby, comes home to find a bunch of Tony clones rubbing her belly. She smiles, as if to say, “Yes, this is fine, everything is fine.”
The director’s cut ending is even more nonsensical: Rachel comes home to find a fridge full of eggs, picks one up, and is killed by a newborn creature. Either way, the message is the same: aliens ruin everything, including your refrigerator.
Reception: Critics United in Hatred
Upon release, critics savaged Xtro. And who could blame them? Roger Ebert would have needed a sixth thumb just to point it down harder. Most reviewers called it disgusting, incoherent, and exploitative. Which, to be fair, it is.
The only praise it received was for its special effects, which is like complimenting food poisoning for being “potent.” Sure, the effects are memorable, but so are kidney stones.
Cult Status: Because People Love Pain
And yet, Xtro has a cult following. Of course it does. Bad movies attract masochists, and Xtro is like a beacon for people who enjoy cinematic suffering. It spawned sequels (Xtro II: The Second Encounter and Xtro 3: Watch the Skies), which is proof that God truly has abandoned us.
For some, the sheer audacity of the film is entertaining. For others, it’s a grotesque trainwreck best forgotten. For me, it’s proof that aliens should just stay in space where they belong.
Final Verdict: Send It Back to Space
Xtro is not scary. It’s not suspenseful. It’s not even fun-bad in the way some cult horror films are. It’s simply unpleasant—a film that confuses shock value for storytelling, gross-out effects for horror, and nonsense for originality.
If you’re into practical effects that make you squirm, it has its moments. But if you’re hoping for a coherent narrative or even a single likable character, look elsewhere. Xtro is a film best watched once, with friends, and then never spoken of again.
Grade: F
The only thing alien here is the concept of good filmmaking.
