Evilspeak is the cautionary tale of what happens when you give Clint Howard a Tandy computer, a satanic spellbook, and a script that reads like Carrie had a garage sale and WarGames bought all the leftovers.
This is the 1981 horror flick where bullying meets early computer literacy, and Satan decides that the best way to make a comeback isn’t through an ominous eclipse or a cursed relic—but by learning BASIC code.
The Setup: Revenge of the Nerd, But With More Pigs
Our hero, Stanley Coopersmith (Clint Howard), is the bottom of the food chain at West Andover Military Academy, a place where every single cadet apparently doubles as an amateur sociopath. The instructors hate him, the students torment him, and even the pigs in the school barn can’t resist taking a bite.
After being punished (again) for existing, Stanley discovers a hidden cellar with an old satanic library belonging to 16th-century Father Esteban—played by Richard Moll, because apparently his career agent had taken a vow of chaos. Stanley hauls a computer into the cellar and starts translating the Latin text into English, which is sort of like using Google Translate for an exorcism.
The Villains: Cadets, Clergy, and Carnivorous Swine
Every bully in this movie is a cartoon character of cruelty, from the jock nicknamed Bubba (because of course) to the coach who thinks “victim blaming” should be an Olympic sport. Then there’s the headmaster, Colonel Kincaid, whose disciplinary style is somewhere between “petty tyrant” and “mall cop with delusions of grandeur.”
The Reverend is useless, the secretary gets eaten by demon boars for trying to pawn a pentagram, and the only person remotely decent is the cook, who lets Stanley play with puppies—before one of those puppies becomes the sacrificial appetizer for Satan’s all-you-can-eat buffet.
The Technology: Satan.exe Has Stopped Responding
Somehow, Stanley’s early-’80s computer isn’t just for Pong and Oregon Trail. No, this machine comes preloaded with a supernatural operating system that can summon demons, request ritual ingredients, and occasionally scold him for not having enough blood in the recipe.
This leads to multiple scenes of Clint Howard typing satanic commands into a glowing green terminal, which sounds cooler than it looks. Imagine the Antichrist working in an IT help desk: “Have you tried offering more blood? Okay, now reboot your soul.”
The Kills: Pigging Out on Gore
The movie earns its “video nasty” rep in the third act when Stanley, now fully possessed, stops being a mop-headed punching bag and becomes Satan’s cosplay champion. He emerges from the church floor wielding a sword like he’s auditioning for Highlander: The Swine Wars, decapitating authority figures left and right while the boars chow down on fleeing cadets.
Highlights include:
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Reverend Jameson getting nailed—literally—by a crucifix spike to the forehead.
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The headmaster losing his head faster than the audience loses patience.
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Bubba getting his heart ripped out by a zombie janitor, which is exactly as dignified as it sounds.
Tone and Pacing: Slow Burn, Then Hog Wild
The first hour is mostly Stanley getting humiliated in increasingly elaborate ways—alarm clocks unplugged, uniforms sabotaged, and yes, a pig attack. It’s like a military academy remake of Problem Child, except the child has access to forbidden hell magic.
When the satanic carnage finally starts, it’s so over-the-top and absurd that it almost feels like the filmmakers realized they’d made an unbearably dull teen drama and decided to let Clint Howard go full demon for hazard pay.
Final Verdict
Evilspeak is what you get if you mix Carrie, The Omen, and a RadioShack catalog, then feed the script to a pack of drunk pigs. The concept—a bullied cadet using a computer to summon Satan—could’ve been campy fun, but instead it feels like a bloated after-school special that got hijacked by a satanic cult halfway through production.
Still, I’ll admit the third act’s carnage is a guilty pleasure. There’s something cathartic about watching Clint Howard, covered in blood, emerging from a burning church while possessed swine devour his enemies. It’s like Animal Farm if George Orwell was on PCP.
Cast Clint Howard as Stanley Coopersmith R. G. Armstrong as Sarge Joseph Cortese as Reverend Jameson Claude Earl Jones as Coach Haywood Nelson as Kowalski Don Stark as Bubba Caldwell Charles Tyner as Colonel Kincaid Hamilton Camp as Hauptman Louie Gravance as Jo Jo Jim Greenleaf as Ox Lynn Hancock as Miss Friedemeyer Loren Lester as Charlie Boy Lenny Montana as Jake Leonard D’John as Tony Richard Moll as Father Lorenzo Estaban
